


Cure You!

by kxdlola120



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Angst, Doctor/Patient, Forbidden Love, M/M, Smut, mentions of Baekyeon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 17:38:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 39,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13769160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kxdlola120/pseuds/kxdlola120
Summary: The story of how love happened where it absolutely shouldn't have.





	1. 1/2

"I'm gonna do it!" 

"You're crazy!" 

"Hey, it's not your problem, okay?!"

Jongin looks ahead, watching some random TV show rolling on some random channel, and thinks about it again.

It's a fairly new clinic that provides such services, the ones he's thought to be in need of, but the online reviews are all good. Well, mostly good, since he scrolled down the first page of the clinic's ReviewSee page, so he's certain they are 9/10 at least.

But the whole idea of what they could do for you... Man, that's something else.

His best friends shuffles on his feet next to him, looking at the same TV screen as he is. Before speaking softly. "Jongin... I don't know.. what they do exactly, but it might not be a—" 

"Baek! I gotta try it, at least. They are threating to fire me because of it, you know..."

And Baekhyun knows it, all too well, because they've been in all of this together.

When Jongin came to his pub that Baekhyun owns two weeks ago, his face was solemn looking, full with Sun marks and wrinkles that Baekhyun swore weren't there the year before. 

Jongin kept a lot hidden, and those secrets took a tool on his life. Baekhyun was there with him through almost all of it, but he wishes he could share the load with his friend, and make it easier somehow.

But this.. This is beyond both of them. 

"I wish I wasn't like this, you know..." 

"Gay?" Baekhyun utters softly, glancing back at his devastated friend.

"No! Scared!"

"Oh, yeah right.. Sorry,"

"It's just.." Jongin stands up from the couch, going around the room in slow, and somehow sluggish moves, thinking this over. "I was born like this, you know.. I didn't wake up one day, coming to an idea to love men all of a sudden, because I was bored with my life, you know.."

He's saying 'you know' a lot, like Baekhyun was one of them, and Jongin tried to convince him that he's not the one to blame in all of this. But Baekhyun knows it all too well, and he only huffs out, not knowing what else to offer.

"And I was so good at hiding it, and— Besides, they're working on it, right? Right as we speak, some big asses in the Government are talking about letting us live, right?"

Baekhyun looks lost, but nods nonetheless.

"That's why, this all... all of this is so stupid! I'm not sick! This is not a false part of me, that could be treated and cured with drugs and medicines. I'm the way I am, and I'm so sick of following the protocols!"

"And you should be!" Baekhyun jumps off the couch, coming to stand before him. "Run away! Get out of the country! Find something else! Be yourself!"

And Jongin thinks about it. He really thinks about it, because he's been thinking about it for the last two weeks. Ever since the notice for immediate medical examination came through. The first thought, actually, was to drop everything and just move. Run away from it all, leave everything behind!

But he knows better. He knows that the Government has people all over the country, up until the next country, where another Government is working as well. And even if he tried running away, he would give himself maybe a month before somebody catches him. 

And his ass is not seeing prison ever again. (He was locked up for some stupid childish prank back in high school).

"I can't.." He huffs out, looking up to his friend, finding solace in the only person that doesn't judge him for who he is. And the only one that knows his secret. "I wouldn't get far, and I don't want to end up locked away... or worse.."

Both of them shiver at that, knowing what the option 'worse' could be for a gay man, not to mention who's on the run.

"Well, what then?"

Jongin turns away, looking through the windows of his one-bedroom apartment, thinking his options. There's nothing much that he could do, since he postponed the examination for two weeks now, that being the only way of expansion. 

"There's only one thing to do..."

"Are you really—"

"I'm gonna turn myself in!"

 

 

***

 

 

"Welcome to 'Keep it straight' clinic, my name is Angela, and I'll be the one filling you in today!"

Jongin looks her up and down, nodding with pursued lips. 

"Great! Follow me, please!" She has the most cheeriest smile ever, and Jongin has the massive headache to match it. 

But with a bored gaze, he follows her to the first room on the left, walking in after her. "Have a seat, Mr...?"

"Kim. Jongin Kim."

"Mr. Kim. Alright." She sits down across from him, taking big stack of neatly stacked papers, opening up to the first page.

"Okay, I need your name, oh I already got that. Silly me!" She looks up like expecting Jongin to laugh, but only gets two bushy raised eyebrows as a response. "Next, your date of birth and your address."

"How long do I need to stay here?" 

The nurse looks up, stunned with question, before wetting the corner of her lip with a nervous smile covering up her thin lips. "Well.. it depends."

But he's not done yet. "On what?"

She looks down to the stack, before capping her pen back on. "Well, it depends on your behavior.."

"On my behavior?" He sits upright, leaning on the table with his elbows first, "What? If I pop a boner because of you, you guys cut me some slack?"

Her eyes are comically big by now. "Or if I jack off to straight porn, I get to go home?"

"Mr. Kim, I—"

"Or if I lie and say how boobs are something I want to feast on, you—"

"Angela, is there a problem?" 

Both him and the nurse snap their heads towards the door, Jongin finding a short male peeping in. 

"N-no, Doctor Do, I was just—" But she's too stunned to talk, and Jongin feels a bubble of laughter piping up.  

"Do you want to take a break?" The man asks again, looking between Angela and him, and suddenly Jongin thinks he would like it here. Very much so.

"Thank you, Doctor!" She stands up, beelining to the door, and exiting after bowing 90 degrees to the doctor. He looks behind himself, closing the door and coming to sit down in the same spot where the nurse was verbally attacked just now.

"Good morning, my name is Do Kyungsoo, but you can call me Doctor Do." The man looks shorter and tinier while sitting across from him, and Jongin wets his lips.

"Kim Jongin."

"Right, let's sign you up." He looks down to the stack like the nurse did, but checks the first page with his eyes quickly. He doesn't get asked stupid and irrelevant stuff like his blood type and hair color (which is already obvious, but they like to get all formal and shit) and instead the tiny doctor moves a couple of pages through.

"Let's get straight to the point. Why are you here?"

Jongin blinks once, twice, before closing his mouth and focusing in the doctor's eyes with piercing gaze. "The society thinks I'm sick."

"Do you think you're sick?" 

The way he asks, the way his voice is a timbre deepness of raw honey, the way his eyes twinkle, the way his hair is swept to the side—all business like—the way his lips pull at the corner as he speaks, the way this man is everything that Jongin loves and hates in today's society. 

And it's all too much for the first day.

"Look, doc, I just wanna get the number of my room, so that I could go there and get some sleep, because my head is killing me, okay?"

"Oh, wait here." The doctor stands up, moving to the cabinets behind him, rummaging through. Jongin tries—and fails—to avoid looking him up and down, but his posture is so sublime that he can't help but stare at his back and strong legs.

The man is utterly stunning, but that's totally against his purpose of coming here today.

Luckily, he comes back, sitting across from him once again. Then, he looks up to match Jongin's gaze, "You can drink this after having breakfast, and then you may proceed to your room." He offers him some pills in grey lamented plate, before pushing the key across the table top. "And this is your room key. As you can see, it has your number on it, as well, so you can easily find your room and the floor which you're on." 

The key has the leather bond attached to it, with three number embedded on it. "The first one is the floor number, the second one is the number of your room on the said floor, and the third one is the number of your locker downstairs in our residential gym."

The doctor smiles softly, but widely, and Jongin only nods, gulping down on nothing since he's sure that his throat is parched and thirsty. 

"Great, then follow me!"

They walk one after another, Jongin hot on the doctor's heels, hearing him out as he explains where everything is located.

"This is the canteen, you can come here to eat whenever you want. And this the way to the basement, where you can find the gym and the path leading to the outdoors."

They climb the first floor, since the first number on the embedded piece of leather is 1. "This is your floor, and this is also the floor I'm working on. So I'll be your doctor from now on."

The walk just a couple of steps, before Kyungsoo stops and pulls the key out of his pocket. "This is your room, room number 2. Make sure you keep everything clean and in order, since the cleaning ladies around here don't like to clean messes."

That defies their purpose, Jongin would like to add, but he keeps quiet, waiting for the next instruction. Kyungsoo leads him into the room, closing the door behind him and walking to the two windows on the opposite wall.

"Everything is dull and boring-looking, but you can add your things to... spice it up, if you want."

Jongin looks around, spotting one single bed in the corner of the room, with little wooden nightstand standing next to his pillow. There's a big closet just next to the door, and there's no curtains on the windows. 

He's right. Everything's dull and boring, the color not meddling with anything else but gray and white. The metal furniture is white too, and he might be sick of it.

"Why is it like this?"

"Like what? White?" Kyungsoo beckons him in, sitting on the well-made bed. "The clinic has this tendency to keep it.. natural if you'd like."

"What? Scared of the rainbow flag?" Jongin asks dumbly, checking the limited space of the closet, as well as the door leading to the miniature bathroom, luckily only his to use. 

Kyungsoo actually giggles. "Anyways, here's the schedule for the meals, and for your therapy."

This catches his attention, as Jongin turns from the bathroom, coming to sit down as well. "I didn't get to ask, but... what is my therapy?"

"Well," Kyungsoo clears his throat, fixing his coat over his lap. When he turns around, boring his eyes into Jongin's, the patient can't help but stare. "It depends on your.. level of.. um.."

"Fagness?"

"Oh, we don't call it that in here, actually." The doctor looks down to the floor once again, and Jongin still can't keep his eyes off.

"Then what?"

"Well, I have to check upon you, you know, to provide your diagnoses.."

On that one, he chuckles deeply, finally losing a battle over his hopelessness. This was all too much. "So a pretty doctor comes in here, all dressed up and smiley, and makes sure that I know why I'm here. That I know I'm sick— but not just sick, he determines just how much I'm sick, and then he gives me drugs, right?"

Kyungsoo licks his lips, cocking his head to the side, before trying to speak coherently. "Not just that, but— We're here to provide service, and I'm—"

"Can you talk normally, please? I don't need that doctor mumble-jumble anymore!"

"Of course," When he turns back around to face him, those eyes aren't hidden anymore. But they aren't innocent neither as well.

"The Government likes to stick their fingers in every aspect of your life, right?" Jongin only nods. "And if you ask me, that's bullshit!" If anyone was to ask him if he'd ever hear this petite, adorable doctor cursing, Jongin would've laughed to their faces.

"They are limiting us in everything, even in love. Whether we love this person, or that person. Or even if we wanna have a quick shag with a random stranger in a bar!" Kyungsoo stands up, going for the door and checking if it's closed properly. 

He doesn't turn around when he speaks again, "And they think it's for a good cause, you know. Like we can provide you.. a decent life, so to say, and in return, you're gonna act like a fucking puppet that you are."

"Kyungsoo.." Jongin starts slowly, choosing his next words properly, but Kyungsoo just walks back to peer through the windows instead.

"Sorry, I get carried away sometimes.. Anyway," And his blinding smile is back, creeping in Jongin's chest, making him warm all over. "Drink those pills for your headache, and I'll see you tomorrow for your first therapy." He drops the keys and the plate of pills on his nightstand, fixing his coat and going for the door.

Jongin's left alone once again, closed in in his dull and boring-looking room, not having even the slightest idea what he's involved himself in. 

But one thing's for sure; his headache is gone.

 

 

***

 

 

He wakes up by himself, probably for the first time in years, without the annoying alarm blasting from his phone, making him bleary eyed while he searches for a button to stop it.

Maybe it was because of a fact that he crashed last night before his usual time for bed, but maybe it's because he doesn't have anything else to worry about. 

He's been distressed of all the work, deadlines, and obligations that used to weigh him down. That until he's cured, and well again for going back to work.

But he doesn't think of that for now, and instead goes to check his luggage that they brought him up last night. He had a limit of clothes he could bring with himself, but it all fitted in his one suitcase, anyways.

They didn't limit their patients to wearing hospital clothes that were awful anyways, and Jongin's glad for that freedom at least. Besides, everybody wanted to see his super suave shirts with buttons and his long pants with holes from washing them frequently. 

That's exactly what he dressed himself in after taking a nice and short shower, avoiding to wash his hair this time. It was much for a hassle, and besides, his doctor was waiting for him.

He didn't feel obligated to look good for a clinic, but he still used his deodorant, fixing his loose strands and checking his appearance in the bathroom mirror.

After making sure that he's locked the door, he walked downstairs, going for the same office where Kyungsoo and him talked yesterday, but finding the doors locked for some reason.

"Excuse me?" He walks to the reception instead, asking for Kyungsoo and his office.

"Oh, he's out for a morning. He'll be back after lunch." 

Jongin thanks the lady, checking the hanging clock on the wall next to her head, seeing it's only half past eight. He still had a plenty of time, and breakfast wasn't his forte anyway.

So he walks around the clinic, finding some rooms locked, some of them unlocked but vacant from anyone, and some rooms empty and abandoned-looking.

But what he did find was an exit door to the big backyard, surprising even himself when he walked outside. 

It was spacious, he could give them that. But other than that, it was... dull, again.

There were benches along the path that lead him out, a couple of trees on each side of it, but other than that, nothing else. When he walked further more, he stumbled upon a small but workable fountain that surprisingly was on.

It was nothing much, just water pouring in a circle, before coming out again, but he sat down across from it, losing his eyes in the sprinkles.

He must've stayed there long enough, because before he could realize his stomach was cramping hungrily, somebody sat down next to him.

"I'm sorry, but I wish—" His words got cut off when he turned around, his eyes falling down on a smiling Kyungsoo, his eyes twinkling under the direct Sun light.

"Hi, Jongin. Having fun?" He asks in a subtly teasing tone, brushing his hands on his coat.

"Yeah, you could say that.."

"The lady at the reception told me that you ventured outside this morning, and haven't had anything to eat, so here." Kyungsoo picks two bowls from the other side of where he's sitting, offering one to Jongin to take.

"Thanks, but I'm not—" Just as he tries to say that he's not hungry, hiss stomach betrays him once again.

Kyungsoo chuckles, all adorable and cutely, so he bows his head a little, opening the plastic wrap from the steam foil dish.

"So, how do you feel?" Kyungsoo asks, looking in the distance of the fountain, eating his lunch as well. Jongin shrugs, picking the food with ease, since he could be devouring it the whole in only a moment. "'M fine."

"Any changes?"

Jongin looks dumbfounded at the male sitting close to him, but not too close to cause their thighs or arms touch accidentally. "I've been here for a night. If you don't pour some fag-repellent in the air, then nothing has changed with me."

Kyungsoo hums, not finding his joke funny like he did last time, before asking again. "I meant, do you feel better or worse than the time when you arrived."

Jongin plucks another piece of lettuce, swallowing around the fork, before speaking with full mouth. "Can I be honest?" He doesn't even let Kyungsoo nod or oppose to that one, before talking again. "I hate this."

"Hate what?" For the first ever since Kyungsoo arrived, he looks up, catching Jongin's eyes fixed on the water pouring in front of them. 

"This. All of this! I hate that I'm like this,"

Kyungsoo turns around to see if they were alone. "You hate being homosexual?"

"No, of course not. I'm not that shallow to believe everything that the media spits out. I hate that I'm here, on my own will to make it worse, and that I'm scared to fight them."

"Who do you want to fight, Jongin?"

"Them! The rats of this country. Of this world! Because they get inside your brain, making you think that everything is wrong with you, just because you're different in some ways."

Jongin plucks the dish again, showing everything in his mouth, too afraid that they would speak without him noticing his brain working. He's scared that he's said too much, but Kyungsoo's quiet after that.

He just sits next to him, eating his bowl away, watching the same scenery as him.

"Kyungsoo?" He doesn't remember when he dropped the formalities, and started calling the doctor by his real name, but he doubts that would be his biggest problem now. 

"It was nice eating with you." Kyungsoo stands up, taking both of their dishes to the trash can in the corner, next to the fountain that's still spilling. "Let's do this again!" And with a big and honest smile, he's gone, walking back inside even before Jongin could thank him for the lunch.

 

 

***

 

 

The next couple of days are once again dull, you guessed it.

He doesn't have much to work, only spending his time in the backyard in the back of the building, or lazing around in his room. The bed is awfully uncomfortable, but he manages. 

They've already done all kind of tests on him over these couple of days, going from his blood and urine tests, and even checking his bone density. Kyungsoo even went an extra mile to do MRI, EKG and CAT skan, and Jongin's head hurts from all the tests because he doesn't get the purpose of any of them.

Kyungsoo explained him his therapy, but Jongin didn't understand it. Then the elder—Jongin's learned that Kyungsoo was older accidentally—explained it nicely, telling him about this types of massages, and body oils they used to change his body first, before they treated the rest next. They said that he was perfectly healthy, and that there was nothing bad with his body, and Kyungsoo had to remind him not to oppose and fight over the question 'Why the hell am I here, then?!'

But, Kyungsoo visits him every day, spending some time with him, either talking or letting him stay quiet. Ever since he was taught how to talk, Jongin has learned that people didn't like silences and that they mostly lead to uncomfortable atmosphere that used to stretch into endless circles of gibberish, just to stop it from emerging again.

But with Kyungsoo, it was different. The doctor would let him stay in the silence for as long as Jongin needed it.

They could be sitting in his room, Jongin on the bed, Kyungsoo by the window, on a small wooden footstool that he brought with himself one day, just eating away their days.

Or they could be back on their bench—Jongin liked to call it that—talking, or just overlooking the fountain that was starting to turn more greenish because of the fallen leaves clogging the pipes.

But no matter what, talking or staying quiet, Kyungsoo always came back, spending some time with him. Not that Jongin counted their time, or anything, but Kyungsoo did say this was the floor where his patients were, and if he were to calculate the time they spend together, dividing it with the number of the rooms on the first floor, Jongin would still get most of the time to spend with the handsome doctor.

Either that, or the day had to have like 72 hours per a 24 hours period.

Jongin thought highly of himself in those moment when he lost his sleep in favor of thinking about Kyungsoo, but then his insidious mind would offer another reason to it all. He was either depressed, severely so, and that's why Kyungsoo spent the most times hanging out in his company. Or he was the worse case in the clinic, and Kyungsoo had to work double the work to help him with his problem.

And by then, Jongin was back to square one, being pissed with himself for being scared once again.

Like this time, when his thoughts meshed between the ever thoughtful Kyungsoo who is sitting on the window sill, swaying his legs like a child, and the thoughts of being that fucked up that he needed a surveillance almost twenty four/seven from a human like camera. 

"Jongin, let's do something."

"I'm busy." He grumbles back, turning his back to the confused doctor who stops swaying his legs, jumping down from the sill. 

"You're staring at that wall. Actually, you've been staring at the room for the past half an hour, but I don't find that's much fun."

Jongin painfully winces on the terms of almost being caught, and mentally hits his head for being too obvious. He was actually staring at the doctor, thinking the worse about himself, but shifting his eyes whenever Kyungsoo even glanced at him.

"I don't want to do anything." He says again, tensing up when he feels Kyungsoo moving behind him. He's sure that the doctor is walking up to meet him at the bed, and his whole body goes rigid upon not hearing his footsteps.

"Let's play some game, hm?" The doctor asks again, and before Jongin could move and say no again, Kyungsoo pats his butt, asking him to move so he can sit down as well.

Jongin starts breathing again after that assault, moving to hug his knees in the corner of the bed, as Kyungsoo sits on the far end, sitting crossed-legged.

"What should we do, hmm?" 

"I don't know.."

"Oh, but you wanna play, right? You changed your mind, right?" Kyungsoo's like a child, his eyes glistening with innocence and excitement, and Jongin can't help but nod slowly.

"Great! Let's see..." 

And while Kyungsoo thinks about the game, Jongin thinks about Kyungsoo.

About his small posture, but strong built. About his harsh looking hair, but the softest curls falling over his eyebrows. About his frail wrists and small hands, ending with chubby fingers. His lips that seemed being chapped almost every day, but actually only adding to his looks. Jongin wanted to kiss them, lick along the seam of the upper lip, sink his teeth in the bottom one. 

And his eyes, finally. Those bottomless orbs that could surrender him in a moment. Kyungsoo was more than gorgeous, more than perfect, more than Jongin could ever ask from this coarse life, more than he could wish to meet in those years of his life he's left with, but something that's forbidden.

Something so juice and spicy at the same time, waiting just for him to devour it, but with so many eyes watching him; with so many hands stopping him.

Jongin would die to love him, but he would also love to move on and forget everything about this place.

"I know!" He's brought back with energetic voice waking him up from a daze induced by none other than the doctor, whose eyes are still sparkling. "We could play 20 questions!"

"What's that?" His voice sounds parched and lost even to his ears, but Kyungsoo doesn't comment on it.

"When I was little, I loved to play it with my brother. It's like asking question after question, but only getting answers in return for giving your answers on the questions I ask you."

"You have a brother?" Jongin moves to sit down fully, sitting in the same style as Kyungsoo is.

"Well, I used to.. that is." His voice is gone, his eyes dulling for a second, before he smiles sadly, swallowing down. "He was a good brother, and he actually taught me this.."

And Jongin doesn't want to disappoint so he indulges. "Okay, let's play!"

They fall into this silence that's neither uncomfortable or awkward for either of them, as Kyungsoo tries to think of the first question to start the game.

"Okay, first question - What's your favorite color?"

Jongin raises his eyebrows. "Really? Of all the things you could ask me, you go for my favorite color?"

"Shh there. I still have 19 more questions to ask you for the juicy details."

And Jongin believes him. He actually feels the zap in his stomach, making him sick and excited at the same time for what could come. So without thinking what he's got to ask him, he answers with the same color that pops into his mind. "Green."

"Green?" Kyungsoo asks, tilting his head. "That's boring."

"You do your things, and let me be myself," Jongin offers instead, wanting to beam at the little smile that Kyungsoo cracks, but sustains from doing so. Instead, he asks a question in return. "If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go?"

Kyungsoo 'o's for a second too long, boring into his eyes, obviously not having expected that question. Jongin could've started slowly, like asking the same question in return, but he wants to get to know Kyungsoo some more.

It's like playing with fire, really. And Jongin's been burned enough.

"Well... I'd like to go to... anywhere."

"Anywhere?" Jongin baffles, "What kind of answer is that?"

"I..." Kyungsoo is stuck, and Jongin thinks he went a little over their seminal level of acquaintanceship. 

But Kyungsoo answers anyways. "I would want to visit my old house. See my parents still watching TV, with my brother drawing some stupid anime character, while laying down over the ugly brown carpet that my mom loved, bragging about becoming a manga artist one day. Hearing my mom say how it's a stupid want, and my dad encouraging him to follow whatever dream he has. That's where I want to go."

Jongin looks stunned for a moment, listening to every word, soaking it up to his long-term memory. Kyungsoo's voice is sad, his lips are smiling, but not the way he smiles, with the curve reaching his eyes, filling up his cheeks. 

"I'm sorry, I—"

"Don't be! It's my turn to ask you."

"Okay," Jongin nods slowly, waiting for Kyungsoo to smile widely again. 

But when he asks, his face is still sullen-looking. "Let's see, where did you grow up?"

"Here."

"Here, where?" 

"It's my turn to ask, Soo." Kyungsoo's eyes bulge out on the nickname, and Jongin curses his filter between his brain and his mouth that's non-existent it seems. "What's your favorite color?"

"Really, Jongin? Nothing better?" Kyungsoo teases him for previous disagreement with the order of Kyungsoo's questions, before smiling widely. "Yellow."

"Like the Sun?" 

Kyungsoo nods brightly, looking out to the open windows. "Like the Sun. It's a warm color, and it reminds me of everything good in this life."

And Jongin agrees. He could see the resemblance between Sun rays and Kyungsoo's smile. But he doesn't voice that out. "Your turn."

"Where did you go to school?"

"Oh, come on, Soo. That's boring!"

"Well, I want to know that!"

"No, move on to something else." 

Kyungsoo huffs out, looking with a scowl painted on his plump lips, before trying again. "What was your major?"

This catches him with a lump forming in his throat, as Jongin tries to swallow around it. "Uh, dancing.."

"Dancing? Really?" His voice is cheerful, and Jongin doesn't want to break his heart.

So he lies instead. "Yeah, I graduated with top marks, and 'been dancing for living."

Truth is, he's being doing the utter most boring job from 9 to 5. 

"Wow, that's so cool. I've never met a dancer in my life." Kyungsoo is sparkling eyes again, and Jongin cracks a smile. That's until Kyungsoo decides to hurt him again. "You're special to me, in a way then."

They go asking question after question, both of them asking about each other's lives. Like for example, Jongin now knows that Kyungsoo likes to watch horror movies, but is scared to watch them alone, and Kyungsoo learns that Jongin doesn't like to sing, but likes to hear others singing. 

But they are last to their final, twentieth question, and Jongin feels nervous once again. It's not his turn to ask, which means that he would be finishing the round, not even knowing what to ask anymore.

"Okay, I have a question for you." Kyungsoo starts, balancing his chin on his palm. "Have you ever been in love?"

This feels like a cold shower wrapped in an iron fist colliding with his cheek, and Jongin's not exaggerating. 

"I.."

"You have to answer, those are the rules." Kyungsoo reminds him, with a jolly smile, and Jongin feels like throwing up.

Love is something almost forbidden in their dull world, and Kyungsoo here is using the word so freely, like talking about today's weather, or what they had for lunch hours before. 

Jongin suddenly feels uncovered, barren from anything that could hide him at the moment, just sitting in front of Kyungsoo's judging eyes. Well, they aren't judging, but they might as well be, since he could deal with condemnation, but not with honesty.

"I don't know.."

"You don't know?" Kyungsoo sounds disappointed. 

Jongin doesn't even bother with nodding.

"How's that possible? Have you ever been with someone?"

"You used up your twenty questions, Soo."

"Hey, that's not fair!" Kyungsoo huffs out exasperated sigh, looking him in the eyes. "Okay, your turn!"

And Jongin dares to go there. "Have you?"

"Of course not!"

"...What?"

"I'm waiting for the right person."

Jongin's even more confused by now. "Right.. person? You know that that doesn't exist!"

"What do you mean it doesn't exist? Of course it does! When I meet him, I will know it! Trust me!"

Jongin suddenly stops, raising his eyebrows highly. "..Him!?"

Kyungsoo's eyes follow his movement, before their owner starts spluttering out, jumping off the bed. "I meant they! Her! I meant her! When I meet her, I will know it for sure!"

"But you said—"

"I said what I said, but I got confused, okay!" Kyungsoo huffs out before turning to walk to the door, stopping only to gaze at Jongin. "You heard me saying her, right? You heard it!"

Jongin could see the same fright and fear in Kyungsoo's eyes that was once swimming in his own, and he understands him. So he nods slowly, then faster, convincing the doctor of the same thing. "I heard you saying it! It was loud and clear!"

Kyungsoo looks at him for one, two, three—moments, before nodding briefly, exiting his room without another word exchanged.

 

 

***

 

 

The next morning, he doesn't have such luck to be woken up by himself.

Instead, somebody bangs on his door violently, before trying the knob, and before he could wipe the sleep from his eyes, there's some key dangling, unlocking the door next.

"Why the hell do you have the keys to my room?" Jongin jumps out of the bed, still in his sweats and that old, tattered shirt for sleeping, pushing his hand in front of him as some kind of protection.

But the nurse doesn't listen to him, and instead smiles, walking in with a small cup filled with pills. "Good morning, Patient 120, here's your medicine for the day."

There's too much that he wishes to ask her, like for example, why is she addressing him with his number on the keys, or why is she entering his room without asking. But those thoughts wipe out of his mind when she puts the small, blue cup in his palm, that she previously picked up from his side.

The lady is crossing a lot of lines, and he frankly feels frightened. "What is this? I've never taken anything before.." He dangles the three pills in the cup, one blue, one purple and one pink and looks up to her again.

"Enjoy your day!" And with a strained smile, she turns to leave, closing and locking the door behind her.

Jongin's still stands in the middle of the room, looking around and then down to the cup. These are seriously some meds that could affect his health, and if you think about it, it's a bit too far.

Sure, Kyungsoo has done some tests on him, making sure to give him a regular check-up, like drawing blood and checking his blood pressure daily, but there's no way they could just give him some meds and expect him to drink it just like that.

So he goes to the bathroom, turning the lights on and just as he stepped to the toilet bowl, being ready to chunk the pills down the drain, his room bust open, the same nurse coming in directly to the bathroom.

"Sir, I'm afraid you can't go on with your day without those pills." Her tone is cheerful as the same smile dances on her pale face, and Jongin looks behind her, only to be met with this big and tall guy wearing the same uniform as she is—some white-washed pants with pockets, the same white shirt on top.

"Who's he?" He asks instead, moving to the wall behind his back. She stands there, totally unfazed with the random male following her, as he points to the cup once again.

"You have to swallow that, and we wouldn't want problems if you decided to turn your medicines down, right?" 

Her face is the same expression, like she was molded like this. When he looks behind her, the male steps almost into her personal space, and Jongin finally gets it.

"So you brought a gorilla with you to keep you company? Or to keep me company, huh?" He's being brazen, he's aware, but he can't help but erase the filter between his brain and tongue. Luckily, the nurse doesn't mind it, but the big guy does.

"Wait! You don't want problems with Doctor Kim." The nurse stops the guy from entering the bathroom, and both of them miss when Jongin moves closer to the bathtub. 

She looks back to meet his eyes. And the creepy smile is still there. It makes her look older, if that's even possible. "Patient 120, you have to drink your medicines, because it's gonna help with your treatment."

"What's in them?" 

She blinks once, twice, before coming closer to him. Jongin scurries away, more. "Only the best for our patients!"

And with a nod and one long gaze, both of them move out of the bathroom, standing in the middle of the room, as they wait for him to get out. 

He does, eventually, but she moves to pick the cup from his hands. "You still haven't swallowed it." She points out, like the most obvious thing ever, and Jongin looks between them for a moment.

What's the worse that could happen? He could overdose on some random pills that are believed to cure the homosexuality from his system, body, or bones—he's sure they are treatening all of his body, and that they were coming for his brain for the last part of the treatment—neither said anything about the whole process (only giving nicks and nacks, the usual Government shit that they use to besmirch their eyes) but Jongin figures—so why not indulge them. 

With a bile climbing up his throat, he stirs the three pills in the cup once again, eyeing their dosage. They're pretty normal looking, like those pills that Kyungsoo gave him for his headache the first morning in this God-awful place, but they are all colored. And in happy colors too, probably to mock the patients some more.

But he's done with everything. The world is already dull and boring, and grey and everything wrong that could go wrong. So what's another dead body, induced with probably illegal drugs that somehow became nation's treasure in treating the sick ones.

And what's another Jongin out on the street, drooling from being brain dead, and lost among other fucked up things that they plan to do with him and his mind.

No, he doesn't care anymore.

He stopped carrying those two months ago when the letter for his immediate medical exam came, bureaucratizing his life and everything that he got to take care of. 

He doesn't care about his health, or his life, or his morals anymore. He's done caring, fighting something that's far worse than anything that sustains his life. 

Then looks up, finding two pair of eyes glaring at him—one sucking his thin lips in, and the other smiling way too brightly—and smirks.

—Glares, cocks his head to the side, bites his lower lip, and chucks the pills down his throat. 

He swallows without any water, all three of them, throwing the cup in the nurse's hands, and sticking his tongue out mockingly at the guy smirking at his gullibility. 

But Jongin thinks he has an advantage over them all. Over everything they could do, and actually plan to do with him, because he doesn't care. He doesn't care if they push a steaming-hot rod up his ass, and fuck him right to his teeth, because he's done.

He stopped carrying a long time ago, and there's nothing worse that they could do, that he hasn't done to himself already.

And with that, he turns around, walking back to the bathroom and prepares himself a nice bath.

 

 

***

 

 

Kyungsoo comes later that day. 

Jongin doesn't check the time anymore, too immersed in the people walking up and down in the park behind their building, which his window has a nice view over.

He doesn't check their faces, because he's never been good with faces, doesn't remember to check whether they are still normal after being locked up in here, only counting them from 100 to 0, and then back on. 

Kyungsoo probably knocks before entering, but Jongin doesn't hear him. Actually, he hears him, but he doesn't care. 

He's been trying to avoid thinking about the doctor for the last couple of days, since the receptionist told him the reason for Kyungsoo's absence, and how he's expected to come back in matter of couples of days.

Kyungsoo didn't tell him anything of leaving for some conference in another town, but then his mind liked to remind him how he doesn't matter to anyone, especially not to Kyungsoo, and how he needs to shut up.

Jongin thinks he's better than this, than all of this, but then sometimes catches himself thinking how he's better off rotting in here in the end. He's good only for that, apparently. 

Kyungsoo looks around the room, walking to him and tapping him on the shoulder, but Jongin just counts. He fucked up just after counting 46, or 49, and now he has to start from the beginning. 

"Jongin, how've you been?" 

"56, 57, 58.."

"What?" Kyungsoo brings his stool once again, and places it near Jongin's feet, sitting down. He looks up, watching Jongin's side profile and his lips that pout as he mutters under his breath.

"74, 75, 76.."

"Jongin? Are you okay?"

"81, 82, 83.."

"I'm sorry for not visiting you these past couple of days. I've been away on a conference about... well, you don't have to know it, it's been boring after all."

"95, 96, 97.."

"What are you counting?" Kyungsoo asks, and just when he stands up, Jongin jumps on him. 

"100, hyung! There's exactly 100 people in that backyard!" 

"Jongin, please, I—"

But Jongin doesn't hear him, doesn't bother with Kyungsoo's bulging eyes, only shaking him by his biceps, looking between his eyes. "They gave me the meds today."

On that, Kyungsoo pushes him off, turning his back to face him. "I told them not to..."

"What are they for?" 

Kyungsoo huffs out, glancing back at him, before turning to leave. "Try to sleep, okay.."

"Kyungsoo!" Jongin warns, crossing the room in big steps and pulling Kyungsoo back to face him. 

His face is all of lips pulled in tight lines and frowning eyebrows. But what surprises Jongin is that he doesn't dare looking up. "Kyungsoo?"

"I'm sorry, Jongin. I really am!"

"What are you—"

Kyungsoo finally looks up, having that pitiful look that Jongin hates to see being directed to him. "I told them to avoid you. I told them it's still too early for you to take your meds, but they didn't listen to me."

Jongin feels his jaw tightening, feeling betrayed by the only person that was supposed to be here for him. But, he guesses that Kyungsoo is just a puppet. Just like they all are. 

"Leave me alone." Jongin pushes him off, turning and walking into the bathroom without anything else to say. 

Kyungsoo tries to follow him, tries to say something, but Jongin snaps the door to its hinges, plastering it closed right in front of Kyungsoo's face. 

"Jongin?" He hears the soft voice, calling just for him, but he ignores it, turning the faucet on. As he tries to null the voice, tries to erase it from his ears, but Kyungsoo's louder.

"Jongin, please.. I.. I'm sorry, okay! I'm sorry for not telling you earlier, but you started your therapy today!"

'What was I doing for the past two months?!' Jongin wishes to yell back, but sustains from it. 

"I'm sorry for not telling you, but I didn't know how.. We were supposed to treat you from the beginning, ever since you checked yourself in, but I didn't want to rush you.. I wanted to get to know you first."

Jongin scoffs at the last sentence, thinking everything through and through, but getting nothing in the end. He thought he could trust him, could trust him with his demons, but Kyungsoo's not different than any other person in that clinic. Not different than that nurse that got him on meds today, or that tall guy that threatened with his stance. He's no different than himself, either.

"Jongin? Please, just get out!"

"I don't want to." He slaps himself hard because of answering, acting before thinking. His reflection in the mirror is different as he peers into those shallow eyes that stare right back. Dull. Boring.

"I need to see your face!"

He turns to the door, pushing his forehead to touch it, as his hands gnaw at the wood. "Why? So that you can keep an eye on me? So that I don't do anything... harsh?"

Kyungsoo's knuckles rap on the other side, his voice lowering down. "No.. No, of course not!"

"What do you know, huh? I could be right here, cutting through my veins, or something..." He trails off, just as the doorknob rattles to open the door. But Jongin curses for not having the keys to this door too, holding them closed with his whole body. "Why did you lie to me?"

"What?" Kyungsoo drops the doorknob, the metal rattles as its dropped; the spring holding it loosening over time. "What did I say?"

"You said... You said that I—" But Jongin doesn't have anything, as he hears his head throbbing. Actually hears, because his vision swims over the scratched over the wooden panel, as his breathing labors. "I thought that I could trust you, but now..." 

His lungs burn, everything spinning, and he hears his name being called from the other side. "You told me that you'll be here for me, but now.. Now, you're.. Kyungsoo!" His lungs betray him, pushing him into a coughing fit, and he hurries to spit the bile into the washbasin. But when he looks over to the ceramic, it's not bile, it's blood.

"Jongin?" Just as the hurried voice comes through the door, Kyungsoo's short stance swimming in his vision, everything turns black. 

 

 

***

 

 

The next time he feels sick is right before opening his eyes. His brain keeps reminding him not to open his eyes, but the soft palm cradling his forehead tells him to match the hand with the face.

When he hand moves down to his cheek, Jongin pries his eyes open, blinking rapidly. 

"You're awake!" Kyungsoo's rather cheerful for being here with him, and Jongin forgets. For a whole minute, he forgets about the place where he woke up in, about the therapy that he's under, the pills, the nurse, the white walls, and white furniture, the scratches on every piece of wood in the room, his room, about the receptionist that doesn't keep her smile off for even a moment... about Kyungsoo.

But his brown eyes are deep, and filling, and everything he ever wanted and dared to ask for. 

But he focuses on him only for a moment, because his awfully fitting white coat fills his irises next, and Jongin springs up from his bed. "What did you do to me?" He attacks, because he doesn't know anything anymore.

Kyungsoo, on the other hand, takes a deep breath, smiling sadly for a moment, before standing up and just standing in one place. "You fainted. It's because of the meds,"

How's Kyungsoo so calm. How is so collected, so well-put, so accustomed with everything. 

The world is filth. 

They push you away if you weight this much and that much, if your skin is a shade darker, if your hair is an inch longer... If you love men, and you're one of them, and if you prefer ladies, and wear skirts as well. 

So how's Kyungsoo so used to everything, when he strikes out of everything like a sore thumb, something that couldn't—shouldn't—be the same as everything—everyone—else. 

He's so strikingly beautiful and kind and... colorful.

He's not dull white walls, and long corridors filled with nothing, and strained smiles full of rotten teeth, and corrupted minds only thinking—actually not thinking at all—only following the same protocol made for robots, made for people who lack the human string in their beings.

Kyungsoo's not like them. He's so much more.

So why is he trying to fit in then? 

"Why are you here?" 

Kyungsoo cocks his head to the side, blinking slowly, before sitting down. "Because I'm your doctor."

"Why are you here?" Jongin yells louder, feeling overwhelmed with everything. They succeeded, even without trying. They accomplished to taint something so pure, something so beautiful. They ruined the only good thing that could happen in this world, and they just ruined everything that Jongin ever hoped for. 

But even though he doesn't ask anything else, Kyungsoo understands. "I'm.. a doctor, Jongin. I'm here to cure you—"

"Bullshit!" He snaps, crossing the room to the windows. "Look at those people downstairs! They don't need savings! They don't need meds— They aren't sick for loving! They aren't sick for being themselves! It's not their fucking fault for being born like this!" 

He feels the tears—the saltiness slides down to his lips, making his words even bittier—but he doesn't care. He flinches when Kyungsoo stands up afraid, trying to approach him.

"Why are you here? Why are you giving in? Why aren't you fighting..." Jongin trails off, sliding down to the floor, leaning on the sill behind his back with his head, looking up to see Kyungsoo.

The doctor isn't saying anything, just watching him. He's dissecting him with his sharp eyes, tearing him apart. And Jongin actually wishes he could take one part at the time, one part of him after another and spill him into the wind or something. 

"Why aren't you, then?" Kyungsoo asks instead.

Because he's still afraid. Because he still cares. Because this all fucking hurt, and he's helpless. Jongin wishes to say it all. And so much more. Prove his value, but he doubts having one in the first place.

"Because I'm alone.."

Just as Kyungsoo opens his mouth to say something, there's a loud crash outside, in the hallway, and the doctor hurries to open the door and peer out. 

Jongin stands up slowly, coming behind Kyungsoo to look at the scene too.

On the other end of the hall, there are two people holding their mouths, looking down at the tall man spasming and trashing on the floor. His mouth is open, white foam spilling over the edges, as his eyes roll to the back of his almost bald head, his muscles never stopping to curve and shake in every direction.

He gurgles, trying to scream, but nothing comes out. 

This is like a scene from a horror movie, and Jongin has seen enough of those to know how this is gonna end. But before he get to see the man ending his suffering, Kyungsoo turns around, pushing him to his room. "Get inside!"

"Wh-what is going on?" He whispers, afraid to interrupt the stand-still scene, not tearing his eyes off the mess. 

"Just.. get inside, please." 

Kyungsoo closes the door behind them, leaning on it. He waits one, two, three—long seconds, before speaking again. "It.. happens, sometimes."

"It happens? What does?!" Jongin sits down on the bed, feeling his knees buckling down.

"What you saw.. um.." He swallows dryly, collecting his words. "It's.. 'cause of the meds.."

It's like a cold shower pour over his system. Jongin freezes, feeling his own muscles inhibiting and he sucks a breath. "M-meds? You mean, that's gonna happen—"

"No, Jongin!" Kyungsoo peels off the door, coming closer to him, but stops as he sees Jongin jerking away. "No, it won't happen to you!"

"How could you tell?"

"Because I'm here for you!"

Jongin looks at him incredulously, thinking how he must've grown two heads or something, because he's not hearing it clearly. "You are here for me? Where were you when they sent this rock of a man to kill me if I didn't take my meds, huh?"

Kyungsoo rakes his both hands in his hair, jerking his eyes to the door as he hears voices coming through the hall. "Look, I'm sorry, but I—"

"You can't say anything now, Kyungsoo—"

But he's cut off again. "I love it when you call me Soo, instead.."

Jongin looks stunned for a moment, blinking big, wide eyes up to the doctor, actually spluttering when Kyungsoo blushes. 

"What did you..."

"I need to go now!" Kyungsoo turns without raising his eyes, walking to the door. But he doesn't get to open them just yet, as Kyungsoo takes a couple of seconds to regulate his heartbeat. 

Jongin watches him go, but before the door closes, Kyungsoo rushes in once again. "Jongin, I know I'm an asshole, but I need to know something.."

He's still stunned to speak, so he opts to nod instead. 

Kyungsoo swallows, muttering something under his breath, and he looks so much younger like this, like a high-school boy talking to his crush, or standing in front of a whole class with some presentation on historical period or something. But those are Jongin's memories, anyway, and Kyungsoo's not a boy anymore. 

He doesn't get to be nervous, either, because this is Jongin, and Jongin doesn't mean anything to him. 

"Do-do you... Please, say yes!"

Jongin stands up, going for the bathroom once again, but stops when Kyungsoo yells him to. "Jongin! I need to go, but I need to know. Please, turn around."

He contemplates whether to indulge him, because all of this is stupid. Kyungsoo's probably going to ask to keep quiet, or not turn down his meds, but he still goes against himself, turning around. 

But he doesn't say anything, just to indulge in his stubbornness. 

"Jongin, do you trust me?"

And he doesn't seem actually surprised with the question. 

But he stays still nonetheless.

"If you do—which I highly doubt—please promise me that you'll stay in your room until I come for you, okay?"

"What do you mean?" 

Kyungsoo looks behind him, closing the door slightly to answer to someone that Jongin doesn't see in the hallway, before nodding with a brightly smile, waiting as he's left alone once again. He looks back to Jongin, the smile all too gone, his eyebrows creasing again. 

"I'll come back later—later than your usual bed time—but please! Please, wait for me! Okay? Don't fall asleep!"

"Why?" Jongin should ask thousand other things, but nothing comes to his mind other than the most obvious question. 

"I can't talk to you now, just need you to promise me that... Please!"

And without any other better judgement, he nods. Briefly and curtly, waiting for Kyungsoo to crack a smile. To tell him something silly, like I want to tuck you in for the night, or something stupidly funny like that—like he used to—but he doesn't.

Kyungsoo nods, peering behind him, before looking at him again, nodding. 

After that, he closes the door shut, running down the hall where the man was probably still laying, now dead, and Jongin for the first time in those two, almost three months, feels relieved. 

 

 

***

 

 

When Kyungsoo said he would be later than his usual bed time, Jongin didn't think he would be this late. 

It was already 2am, and his eyes were starting to close as he dozed off slowly. He tried pacing around the room, trying to stay awake, but he couldn't help but doze off occasionally.

Nearing 3am, there was a knock on his door, and before he could answer, Kyungsoo walked in, showing him to keep it quiet.

"What are we—" But he was shushed again, as the doctor looked outside to the hall, lolling his head from left to right. 

"I need you to pack your bag. But put only the essentials, okay?"

Jongin was thrusted with his bag, as Kyungsoo went to his bathroom, grabbing his tooth brush and some shower gel, bringing it out for Jongin to pack.

Now that he looks at him, Kyungsoo isn't wearing his normal doctor's coat, and instead walks around in his everyday clothes, containing of simple white-wash jeans, and black t-shirt on top. He looks handsome, Jongin thinks, and before he could voice it out blurting, Kyungsoo stands before him.

"Pack, Jongin. We don't have much time."

Without asking anything, he goes for his closet, glad to have his clothes organized, and picks only a couple of items, mostly his shirts and some sweats—not forgetting some underwear too— before zipping everything in the bag, and throwing it over his back.

"Do you have everything?" Kyungsoo asks, and he looks around the room, suddenly feeling overwhelmed to leave everything behind. 

"Yeah, I guess." He offers instead, and Kyungsoo shows him again to keep it quiet. 

They leave his room, walking slowly in silent halls, until they almost reach the reception. Kyungsoo stops dead in tracks, twisting his head to look at Jongin. "We can't go through here, but we can try the back exit, okay?"

Jongin questions in his mind this back exit, and how come he hasn't come up to that in his stay here, but Kyungsoo's already moving to the hall connected to this one, leaving the reception and main entrance to their right. 

Everything seems dead, with nobody walking down the halls at 3am, but Jongin feels anxiety picking up fast with him. If he was caught looming the corridors this late, he could get detention, and he's not ready to be locked in the closet, or his room in best case scenario, for as long as they opt to keep him there as a punishment. He's never experienced it, but he's heard that they like to use medieval-type of punishments for disrespecting. 

But it seems as Kyungsoo isn't thinking about that, as he hunches over, crossing the hall after another, as looking behind to see Jongin following him as well. They arrive at the dead end, where no door stands to be open, and Jongin feels like throwing up.

"Where are we?" He's looking franticly around, trying to see if this was a trap and Kyungsoo was actually deceived into thinking there's some other exit other than the main one. Or this was all a big, fat test for Jongin, and they finally have something to use as an excuse of why they had to kill him for. 

But Kyungsoo pulls him to the room at the left, closing the door softly behind them. "Can you climb down the window?" He asks like the most normal thing ever, and Jongin nods. That is before realizing they are on the third floor.

"We'll get ourselves killed!" He hisses, and Kyungsoo shushes him promptly, as he leans his ear on the door, listening to the outside. Jongin holds his breath, listening closely too, hearing his heartbeat in his ears.

But then Kyungsoo moves to the windows, opening them widely. He turns around, eyes softening. "Jongin, I need you to do this, okay?" 

He nods, dumbly so, before walking to the windows, feeling the cold air coming through. "I just jump, tuck and roll?"

Kyungsoo snickers on that, looking fondly at him before opening his mouth to say something. But he stops, because there are voices on the other side of the door, and he panics. "You have to go!"

"Wait!" Jongin grabs the windows, turning to look at the doctor. "What about you?"

But Kyungsoo pushes him to stand on the sill, already going backwards. "I need to stay! But you have a chance, okay? Just run 'till you get to the wired fence. It's not that far, and when you get there, feel for the door. It's already unlocked, I made sure of it.."

Kyungsoo grabs the doorknob, holding it twisted, as Jongin takes one deep breath. "Thank you.. I don't know—"

"Leave, Nini! It's your time!" And Kyungsoo smiles. All wide, teeth and crescents eyes. Jongin's breath is taken away in a second, as Kyungsoo stands there, ushering him to jump already.

"Will I.. Will we meet again?" He asks, just to be sure, and Kyungsoo nods. 

"Of course. You're my favorite patient, after all!" 

And Jongin doesn't get it. He doesn't get what makes him suck in a breath, jumping off the sill and crossing the room in three long steps. 

He gives Kyungsoo just a moment to inhale, as he pulls him by his nape, crushing their lips in a bruising kiss. He feels the plumpness, the softness, and Kyungsoo's smile as the doctor blushes under his fingertips, pulling at his shirt. 

They break apart, silent 'Go now' falling from Kyungsoo's lips, and Jongin moves. 

He doesn't look behind before climbing the windows and ducking down, because he knows that he would've stayed if he'd taken another look at Kyungsoo. Adorable, absolutely stunning Kyungsoo, who has him smitten away.

But he moves, running until his lungs burn, and he almost crashes in the wired fence, just as Kyungsoo told him. He feels around for the door, finding them unlocked, again, just as Kyungsoo said, and he goes through it without looking back.

But... Even though he's a free man again, he feels as if missing something.

 

 

***

 

 

Going to his own flat is a bad choice, Jongin knows it, but he has nowhere else to go. 

He doesn't have the keys, but he keeps a spare one in the flowerpot next to his door, so he grabs it, unlocking with precision. He doesn't need to look around, or turn on the lights to know where everything stands, so he hurries to take off his clothes, opting for a quick shower.

The need to wash away the clinic is strong, so he burns his body with high temperature as he showers, rubbing every patch of his skin. 

When he finishes it, he dresses without drying off, hurrying to leave as fast as possible. He doesn't know where to go, but he has some money on his bank account, and some money stashed in the back of his closet, so maybe that'll help.

It's already 5am when he packs all the things he could use from this place, two bags overflowing and waiting at the door, as he looks back, one last time. 

He hasn't been living here for that long, but there are some memories of the place. Baekhyun and he used to throw small parties, just for their close friends and colleagues, and he kinda misses it all. He misses his best friend too, but that's a thought for later.

For now, he checks everything, making sure to leave it clean of his traces, dry from his shower, and everything in the exact place as he left it before turning himself in, and leaves for the door.

The sleep is finally catching up to him, but he has to push further, has to leave this part of the city as fast as possible, already thinking of where to crash for the night. For the day, actually, since the bus that drops him at the other side of the city, leaves him somewhere around 11am in the morning. 

He's tired, hungry, and sore from carrying two bags on his back. But he still walks, ignoring stares as he moves through the streets, thinking where to reside for now. 

Just as he walks pass the famous-looking store, he stops and looks around. The fatigue paints his eyes already, but he sees clearly for the first time since last night, and he realizes what he did.

Unconsciously, he's arrived at his old neighborhood. Actually, he lived here for about four years, ever since he was a baby, and almost until his pre-school, so he recognizes the area like through really dense fog.

But when the memories catches up to him, he remembers his old flat on the last floor of this really tall building, and he hurries to see whether it's still vacant for living. 

He crosses the road, basically running up to his street, as his lungs burn for air. But when the building comes into his view, he laughs breathlessly, feeling accomplished for something so small.

So he hurries, running down to it, and before he could enter, he realizes it's almost empty. The debris around the entrance fills up his lungs when he stops dead in the alleyway, and he coughs a bit, realizing the state of the building.

But he opts to enter it for now, thinking it's better this than staying on the street for now, so he moves through the entrance door, and starts walking up the stairs.

It's a strain, since his flat was on thirteenth? fourteenth floor? and he feels his muscles throbbing as he finally steps on the clearing of the final floor, huffing out exhaustion. 

He remembers the first door on the right like seeing it yesterday, and he drops the bags on the doormat, feeling giddy to walk in. But there's a high chance that the flat is occupied, and in worse case scenario is in a worst possible state and locked, so he weighs his options. 

But eventually says fuck it, and tries the doorknob. It seems like the luck isn't on his side, since the door is locked and no one steps out to yell at him for trying to barge in. He remembers, though, that his mother was the one to put an extra key either under the doormat or in potted plants on the floor (those are his habbits now), just in case, so he crouches down, checking under the mat.

It's dusty, and he almost yells when a spider walks out from it, but he swipes his hand, touching something cold. When he pulls out the napless key, he wants to cry out of pure happiness, but contains enough to try it and enter the flat.

It's a match, luckily, and he quickly gathers his stuff, entering and locking it behind him. 

He stands there, looking at the key in the doorknob, and feels as if he could breathe for the first time. They must've left their extra key after moving out, and he couldn't be more grateful towards his mother for being paranoid.

But his luck is short-lived, because when he walks further more into the space, he finds it almost unbearable to live in. Everything is covered with thick coat of dust and dirt, but luckily some of the furniture was left behind.

He walks into the rooms, opening the windows everywhere, putting every cloth out on the little balcony door to air-vent. There's one bed in the bedroom, and he has a closet and some small table as a nightstand, so he's more than glad for that.

One bedroom, one bathroom, small kitchen connected to the living room, and small hall where his bags are still laying around. 

He remembers now why did they leave this flat and moved into a bigger one, but he feels nostalgic all of a sudden. He was this little boy, running from the kitchen to the living room, holding his superhero action figure as it flew with him, and Jongin remembers it.

He remembers his mother reading out on the balcony, his father preparing breakfast every day, singing along the radio perched up on the kitchen counter, and he remembers it so vividly, like watching the scene enrolling in front of his eyes.

His chest tightens as the little boy flies out to his mother, crushing the action figure into her belly, before she scoops him up and into her lap. 'Do you want to say hello to your baby-brother?' She asks, nuzzling into his cheek, as a little boy nods and beams widely.

He's lowered down to the floor next, as she moves her shirt up, exposing her swollen stomach. 'He just moved. He knows you're here, Nini..' 

And the boy palms both of his hands over the bump, moving them across, and giggling whenever the baby moves and kicks, following his hands around. 

Jongin closes his eyes, lowering his head to swallow tears that threaten to fall, and instead walks back into the kitchen, trying to think of something else.

He opens the cabinets, finding basically nothing, except an old rag that he could use for cleaning. So he pours some water in the sink, rinsing the rag out of dirt, and starts slowly.

By the time he had wiped everything he could in the kitchen and the living room, it's already 4pm, and he feels so hungry he could eat an entire ox. 

But he has some time to eat local, so he hurries out, buying some food from the street-stall across the street, and devouring it whole by the time he climbs the stairs again.

He returns to his flat, clearing out everything he can, making two pills of garbage by the front door. He doesn't have anything to wash his bed sheets and duvet with, so he brings everything from the balcony, making sure to shake it out before bringing it in.

The sleep claws at his brain, and he's so exhausted, so he climbs the bed after making it, the fatigue catching up with him even before laying his head over the dusty pillow.

 

 

***

 

 

The next time he wakes, it's already morning, and he realizes he's slept for about fifteen hours. That seems right, since he skipped a night, and his system couldn't cope for too long. He checks his wrist watch, seeing the dust collecting on it too, somehow, so he cleans it with the hem of his shirt. 

It's a perfect day to stay in, but not for him. He's using that for some other day in a very near future.

But today, today he plans to do the most for the flat and his food, so without doing anything else, he picks his money and leaves for the door. There's a small grocery store on the corner of the next street, so he hurries to buy everything that he could need.

After rummaging through dairy, fruits and vegetable, and frozen sections, he walks to the little bakery stand in the corner, buying all the freshly baked goods, and thanking the lady at the cash register that bags him everything.

He goes back to the flat, leaving everything on the counter, before walking back out again, going for the next store.

He doesn't plan to spend all of the savings in one day, but he goes to buy some cleaning supplies, some new towels and sheets, opting to buy the toiletries as well.

By the time he brings everything back, his arms hurt, and he's hungry and tired once again. So after fixing a sandwich, he goes back to cleaning, making sure to use the supplies well. 

He starts from the bathroom, making sure everything's sparkly clean once he finishes. The bedroom is next, and he uses the new plastic washbowl to soak everything in, including his sheets, duvet cover and pillowcase.

After washing everything, he comes back to the balcony and living room, airing out everything.

He doesn't bother to check the time, as he crashes at the sofa in the living room, falling asleep faster than the previous day.

This time, he even dreams. 

He dreams about white walls and white bed, white tiles, white nightstands, but with something yellow filling up his peripheral vision. When he turns around, there's nothing there but the warmth and something so soft and pliant under his touch.

Jongin wakes up with a smile, lazily stretching around in the coarse texture of the newly washed couch, and looks outside the window. The Sun is setting down, and it's such a stunning view. He likes sunsets, and there's nothing prettier than that serene feeling as to being a witness to it all. 

But when he thinks about the Sun, he can't help but think about Kyungsoo..

Where is he? Is he alright? Did he get in trouble for bailing him out? Will they ever meet? Jongin ponders, and ponders, and suddenly his mood is down.

That night, he sleeps on the new set of sheets, laying flat on the bed, watching the night sky outside the windows. It's calming, soothing almost, and he breathes. Breathes and thinks about his next step. He could live out of his savings for a couple of months, but what then?

He doesn't need to die after going through that all, and besides, finding a job as a fugitive is not something jolly looking. 

So he tries not to think about that far in the future. Instead, his thoughts revers back to Kyungsoo. To his cheeks, his hair, his hands, his eyes, his lips...

To his laugh, to his jokes, to his voice, to his memories, to his words...

And he realizes that thinking of Kyungsoo hurts more than the thinking of the unknown in his life, so he tries to sleep. He tries to bury himself in the pillow, tries to cover his eyes so they close and let sleep overtake him, but suddenly he feels heavy.

Everything comes crashing back, and he promised not to cry anymore. But his life's not fair—far from it—and he can't take the final punch of not seeing Kyungsoo ever again. 

He yearns to hold his hand again, to gaze into his eyes again, to kiss those lips again... 

So before going to sleep, he promises himself to go out and seek him in any way he can.. Because taking his freedom is one thing, but taking his new-found core of living is something else.

 

 

***

 

 

The next morning, Jongin wakes up with a headache. He was just dreaming about... well, he forgot actually, but it was a nice dream, the one that leaves you feeling pleasant and in a good mood all day, and now he has a massive headache instead of his dream.

So begrudgingly, he stands up from the bed, moving to the bathroom first. He's not that hungry, and he could use some fresh air, so he quickly changes into something public-appropriate, and walks out.

He thinks about Kyungsoo again.

It's not that hard to think about the doctor, after all. His brain uses opportunities when he's not focused, to swerve back to the petit older guy that Jongin hasn't seen in a couple of days. 

When he checks the calendar, it's been a month already, and he baffles of the time that went by. Those 30 days that he went through seem like a week or so, and Jongin realizes that they still haven't tried to find him. 

On his way to the local park, he thinks about the reason. Maybe they didn't care long enough to actually try to find and get him back in the clinic.

Or maybe they forgot that he even existed in the first place, and just got on with their lives.

It's not a bad thing, after all, since he could go back to his previous life in a couple of months tops, but then it saddens him that he's so irreplaceable. So easily. 

Maybe Kyungsoo hasn't contacted him for that reason too. Maybe he's too boring and dull, like those walls back in his room, that Kyungsoo has already moved on, forgetting all about him, and finding someone else to take care of. Someone better.

But when he thinks about their last time when they parted, Jongin comes back to the kiss..

He feels dumb for kissing the elder, for tainting their friendship as fucked up as it already was, and he kinda regrets stepping over the line. 

...But not really, since he would blame himself for not doing it, otherwise. 

Maybe Kyungsoo's mad at him. Maybe Kyungsoo's actually afraid of him because of the kiss. Because homosexuality is considered sin in their country. Maybe because of that, Kyungsoo realized it's better to let him go, and decided never to speak to him, frightened for his own life too.

Because, let's face it - if they were to be found out about the kiss, both of them would suffer, no matter which one was actually gay and attracted to the other.

And it aches.

It aches his heart to think that Kyungsoo could find him repulsive, that his Kyungsoo would be afraid to see him again.

Jongin has to see him. Has to see him again, and apologize at least.

Because he has nothing else to lose, and Kyungsoo seems already lost. 

So with that thought in his mind, he starts walking in one, familiar direction.

 

 

***

 

 

He doesn't even know how many hours he's been walking. It's already late afternoon, but Jongin feels restless.

He knows his way, knows where to go to find him, but he doesn't care about himself now. No, he's not afraid of being found out and brought back to the clinic—or worse—but he is afraid of not finding Kyungsoo. He's afraid of rejection, because this one would hurt the most.

He still tries.

Walks street after street, finally turning the corner to the street where the clinic stands—still tall and proud, plain looking even in the grey and dull neighborhood.

So Jongin tries. He walks around it, minding his step, listening closely to every noise and murmur, to every voice, holding his breath as he walks to the wired fence.

He sees through it, finding some of the patients still in the backyard, as he hides behind a bush and waits.

He doesn't know for what. For the patients to get inside, for the lights to turn on, for Kyungsoo to exit and walk up to him, like knowing that Jongin is currently hiding behind the fence.

But it's futile, really. 

Because Kyungsoo might've already left for home, maybe isn't working today, maybe he's on another conference in some foreign country once again.

But he still hopes.

It's already dark when the lights inside the clinic turn on, and Jongin waits with bated breath. There's no one in the backyard by now, and he wishes to gather enough courage and try the door on his right. 

They might be unlocked still, Jongin thinks, because when he looks at them like this, they are shielded and covered with thick moss and leaves, so leaving them unlocked doesn't pose a threat for patients to use them for escape.

His knees ache when he stands up from crouching, as he walks with silent steps to the wired doors, taking a big breath before trying the doorknob. 

Surprisingly, it's unlocked. 

Jongin takes a step back as the door creaks opened, slowly opening to its hinges. He looks around, waiting for anybody to jump his bones and kill him on the spot. But after a couple of seconds, nothing happens, so Jongin walks in.

He stops after making sure that the doors are still opened, and walks in further without looking back. He's quick and light on his feet, but he still feels like his heart would burst out from his ribcage in any moment now.

It's silent, too silent, and he runs to the building, covering behind a big oak tree. There's nobody out, not even the guards that like to take a evening stroll for a check-up around the lot.

But he still waits, a little bit too long, because he's still trying to collect his courage. 

And after a couple of seconds, he goes.

Walks around the building, before coming to the entrance for the backyard, walking in like knowing the place all too well. He knows where Kyungsoo's office is, but he needs to go next to the reception lady, and she might recognize him and ruin everything.

Jongin pulls his jacket tighter around his frame, pulling the zipper all the way to his chin and walks through the hall proudly. He stops at the corner, peering around. The reception is somehow vacant of anybody, so without thinking, he walks past it.

When he reaches the stairs for the first floor, there are some patients looming around, but he walks pass like not seeing them at all. He sees Kyungsoo's office now, the door closed shut, but just as he stops to knock it, somebody yells after him.

"Hey! Who are you?" He turns, dead in the track, feeling the blood leaving his system. It's one of the guards, and now.. now he's screwed.

"K-Kyungsoo..."

"Kyungsoo? Doctor Do!? What do you want with him?" The guard is still speaking, walking closer to where Kyungsoo's office is, and Jongin swallows hard.

"I'm here to-to see him!" 

But the guard cocks his head to the side, pinching his brows even more. "This is not a hour for visiting. You know that, right?"

Jongin nods, little hiccupping, before turning to leave. The guard yells after him again, but his feet take him away.

Just as he reaches the dead end, a familiar voice speak up instead of the guard's gruff one. "Adam, can you leave us?"

"Doctor Do? But it's already too late, and he can't—"

When Jongin turns, he finds Kyungsoo just there, standing at the threshold of his office, talking to the other man. "I know what time it is, I'm sorry. But this is my colleague from Busan, and I couldn't meet him in any other time." He reasons, like knowing beforehand what to say, and Jongin smiles a bit, thankful. 

"What did you say his name is?" The guard asks, shifting his eyes from the stubborn doctor, back to Jongin.

"My-my name—"

"It's Kim Kai," Kyungsoo answers for him, and Jongin shuts him mouth promptly. 

"He does look familiar," The guard tries again, walking closer to where Jongin stays rooted but Kyungsoo stops him again.

"Can you at least let me take my stuff? We won't stay for too long." Kyungsoo stops him again, and after a long stare-down, the guard moves, nodding once. 

"I want you out of the facility in the next ten minutes, is that okay with you Doctor?"

Kyungsoo scoffs, smiling gummily. "Of course. Thank you, Adam." He turns to Jongin, his eyes softening. "Mr. Kim, would you like to wait for me in my office?"

But Adam's not done yet. "He can wait with me. I don't bite." 

Kyungsoo glances back at the guard, realizing their situation. But before he could defend his 'colleague', Adam barks again. "Your time's ticking, Doctor Do."

Kyungsoo nods quickly, sending one apologetic look to Jongin, before entering his office again. 

In the meanwhile, Jongin feels like his whole body's on fire. Adam seizes him up, standing across from him with both hands on his hips, calculating him. "Why do you look familiar?" 

Jongin raises his eyebrows for a second, patching up his lost voice, before swallowing tightly. "I've been in many..um.. medical journals, and.. stuff.." He doesn't know what's he talking about, but he gets a smile in return.

"Do I look like I'm reading those boring stuff?" Maybe a sneer, actually, now that he takes a better look at the guard.

"Ye-yeah.. It's um.. pretty boring, yeah.." He swallow hard, glancing back at the office door, praying for Kyungsoo hurry up.

"So, what kind of doctor are you?"

This gets his attention back on the guard, and Jongin thinks quickly. "Just the usual kind.. The one that checks upon you and stuff.."

"Why are you so nervous? Like I said, I don't bite.." The sneer turns to smirk, as the guards leans on the closest wall, taking the pack of cigarettes out. 

"It's now allowed to smoke in here.." 

Why would he say that? Jongin doesn't know, but winces mentally when Adam raises his eyebrows, planting one cigarette on his bottom lip.

"Do we really need to go through the rules, hmm?" 

And he's right. Because Jongin knows he's violating one of those rules right now, but still wants to oppose to the other as he watches him lightening the end of the butt. 

"Well?"

"Maybe I should wait for Doctor—" He starts walking, but is stopped when he walks past the guard.

"We're just talking. Where do you think you're going?!" Jongin jumps away, hurrying to the wall on the opposed side. "Tell me something, Doctor.." His voice is stern, teasing and Jongin feels his blood boiling. "What do you think about treating the fags?"

This is a trick question, Jongin knows it, and chooses his words carefully. But he doesn't know what to say. That he one of those 'fags' and that he's not sick, to begin with. That they are people too, and that idiots like him are only ruining this country with different ways of opposing people that are different. 

But he can't say that. It's against the rules to oppose to the rules. How ironic, he snickers mentally. 

Instead, he looks up, watching the man straight in the eyes, as his words leave him. "I think we're not doing the right thing."

The guard's mouth twitch from a smirk into a sneer, as he stands up from the wall, guarded and reserved—ready to fight. "What the hell does that mean?"

"It means that we have to go now." Kyungsoo saves him once again, as he nods to the guard, pushing Jongin by his shoulder out and down the stairs.

Adam, luckily, doesn't follow after him, and Jongin breathes for the first time in the past couple of hours.

When they leave through the main doors, Kyungsoo politely wishes good night to the receptionist, and Jongin only nods, keeping his head hung low. 

But they don't go back to the back exit, as Jongin expected Kyungsoo to, and instead walk through the main gate, entering the city once again. Jongin feels Kyungsoo's presence next to him, but neither of them say anything, as they only walk - seemingly in the same direction.

"Where have you been?" Kyungsoo whispers to his side when they stop for the red light, and Jongin turns to answer. But the lights change, and Kyungsoo starts walking again.

They move to his old neighborhood, and Jongin thinks about the possibility that Kyungsoo lives in the same area. But then the elder stops at the corner abruptly, pulling him closer. "Give me your new address. Hurry up!" 

Jongin whispers two words, and one number quickly, before Kyungsoo offers him his hand, shaking him once Jongin passes the confusion and offers one in return. "It was nice meeting you, Mr. Kim. Have a safe trip home." And with one polite smile, Kyungsoo turns to leave, leaving him there.

Jongin thinks about following him, but decides against it, the disappointment settling sourly in his stomach. He spares another glance in the direction where Kyungsoo went, before walking in the opposite way, walking to his new flat.

It's not that far away, he notices, and takes some time to walk around the apartment complex, just because.

But when he walks upstairs, all fourteen floors, what he doesn't expect is to find Kyungsoo leaning on his door. 

"S-Soo?"

"Jongin, hi." Kyungsoo smiles, first softly in the beginning, then full blown, gummy smile, and Jongin's knees buckle down.

"Are you.. letting me in?" He asks with raised eyebrows, and Jongin nods, before hurrying to unlock the door. He enters first, turning on the lights, kicking his shoes off, feeling Kyungsoo following him behind closely, mirroring his actions.

The elder closes the door behind them, Jongin moving to lock them, and before he knows anything else, his arms are full of Kyungsoo.

"I missed you! God, Jongin, I missed you so much!" Kyungsoo hugs him closely and tightly, wielding his arms around his torso, and Jongin breathes for the first time.

"Kyungsoo? I missed you, too!" Jongin whispers at his ear, feeling Kyungsoo shaking before seeing his smile, wide and honest.

"Really?"

And he's so beautiful like this. In his arms, fitting just perfectly under his chin, feeling so perfect. Jongin feels like his breath is kicked out of his lungs with that smile, with those eyes sparkling. 

So Jongin gathers enough courage, admitting to himself too. "Really! So much!"

Kyungsoo smiles just as he hugs him closer, and they stay rooted for the longest. Eventually, Kyungsoo's the one to break their touch, and walks further more into the apartment.

"Wow, you bounced back pretty quickly.." He comments, walking through the living room, and peering into his bedroom, before getting back to the kitchen, not taking a smile off his face. "I'm glad for that."

"Y-yeah.." Jongin shuffles in the back, thinking about the next step, before Kyungsoo surprises him again.

"I was afraid for you.." The elder stopped at the big, wide windows on the side of his living room, watching the city passing by under their feet. "I told you to escape, but didn't tell you what to do next..."

"You didn't know, either," Jongin says, trying to settle it down and convince him that he wasn't the one to blame in all of this, but Kyungsoo shakes his head, closing his eyes.

He feels ashamed, really. Because Jongin trusted him, and he didn't live up to that trust. He lied him in the beginning, trying to ease his fault with some friendship, but he ruined it in the end. If he wasn't so rash about Jongin's escape, he would've done even worse to the younger, considering the 'healing'.

So he tells him all that. And Jongin listens. He stays in the back, watching as Kyungsoo breaks down, crying his heart out. Kyungsoo even explains how they were watching them back on the streets and that's why he needed to come here insteead. 

"I'm sorry, Jongin. I wish I could do more for you..."

And Jongin doesn't get it. He doesn't get how lucky he turned out to be, after meeting Kyungsoo and believing him. Sure, he had his doubts, but considering today's world, who wouldn't? 

But Kyungsoo gave him his life back, and even though his status as a free man is still in question, he helped him so much. But the elder doesn't seem to get it.

"Kyungsoo? Come here," He beckons him to sit at his ruined couch, sitting down as well. When Kyungsoo takes a seat in the next cushion, he brings both of his hands to his lap, squeezing and holding them dearly. "You helped me a lot! No, let me talk!" Jongin shushes him when he tries to talk again, before taking a big breath.

"I thought my life was... well, over." Jongin peers up to Kyungsoo's face, finding his attention undividedly set on him. "When I got that letter.. When I realized that I was discovered, I—"

"Nini, you don't have to.."

"No! No, I want to tell you! Please.." 

When Kyungsoo swallows, looking down to their hands in Jongin's lap, he nods and continues. 

"I don't know how they had outed me, really. I was working normally, going to and from work every day, never even looking at any colleagues differently.. I was safe, and sure, but they somehow got me!"

Kyungsoo lowers his head, knowing where this is going. Knowing all too well.

"When the letter arrived, my boss called me up one evening. Telling me how he's not sick of me, but that I have to take responsibility for my actions.. And I laughed in his face, because I didn't know what kind of actions? What did I do with my sexual orientation, that I could be held for?! Like, it doesn't make sense, you see..."

Kyungsoo squeezes his hand, but stays quiet otherwise.

"And he got mad, you know. Because he hired a 'fag' as they used to call me, and he didn't even know. Like it was my fault for not wearing a sign with big, bold letters 'I'm gay!' over my forehead... But he didn't do anything stupid. He told me to take care of it, and then gave me some unpaid leave for as long as it was necessary for my recovery.."

Jongin stood up, feeling liquid rage filling him up again. 

"And that's stupid! That's so stupid, because I can't be cured! I'm not supposed to be cured! I'm perfectly fine, and I don't need to be saved!" By now, Jongin is yelling. Even though they are probably alone on the whole floor, Kyungsoo still glances at the front door, before standing up.

"Jongin, please.. Calm—"

"And I'm so furious, you know! I'm so actually pissed and angry at everyone for treating me differently! I can tell you, our president is probably gay and he hates his guts for it, and that's why we have those stupid rules and protocols, and—" But he trails off, watching as Kyungsoo's tears start to pool under his eyes. "Soo..?"

"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.." 

Jongin stands there stupidly, watching as Kyungsoo cries harder, having his head hung low. His fists are clenched hard, and Jongin attentively comes closer to him, reaching out slowly. 

"Soo..?"

"I'm sorry, Jongin! I'm such a hypocrite!" Kyungsoo looks up to him, backing away from Jongin's hands, and something clenches in Jongin's chest.

"What are you—"

"You hate the system! And I'm part of that same system! I'm the doctor for those stuff, for God's sake! I'm literally there, everyday, treating people for their homosexuality, and you hate it! You hate them, and you hate me!"

Jongin swallows, trying. Still trying. "But I don't hate you.."

"Even I hate me! Come on, Jongin! You hate me! Come on, say it!" Kyungsoo's eyes are cold, detached, as his lips pull into a tight sneer, challenging Jongin to take upon his offer.

But Jongin doesn't hate him. "But I don't."

"Well, you should!" Kyungsoo turns to leave, but before he could reach for the front door, Jongin's hand snaps on the back of it, closing it even before Kyungsoo's turned the keys to unlock it.

"Where are you going? You just got here.. We just met again, I— I missed you, goddamn it!" Jongin speaks to the elder's ear, Kyungsoo still standing with his back to Jongin's front, taking small breaths through his lips. 

"Jongin, let me go.." When the younger doesn't move, he pushes him off. But he doesn't budge. "Please.." 

Jongin listens to his hard breathing, pushing himself off from being draped over the elder, waiting for Kyungsoo to either turn around and punch him, spitting all those nasty and hurtful things that Jongin's been imagining to hear from heart-shaped lips, or leave him forever.

But Kyungsoo lowers his forehead down on the hard surface of his front door, not even touching the keys to unlock them. Jongin waits. He waits when Kyungsoo closes his eyes, huffing out a long and bothered breath, he waits even when Kyungsoo suddenly hits the door with his shoe. 

But then. Then it happens all too fast, and when the elder moves, he turns and stands right in front of Jongin.

"You're too stubborn for your own good," 

Jongin hears the whisper, and feels the breath hitting the corner of his lips, before Kyungsoo takes the final step, closing the distance between them.

This kiss is slower and deeper than their first one.

Kyungsoo moves into his space, knocking their noses in the process of deepening their lip-lock, and inhales when Jongin opens his mouth, letting him in.

He's then pushed to the wall next to his entrance, Kyungsoo holding him there with his whole body, still kissing- kissing, taking his breath away.

When those soft hands move from his cheeks and down to his neck, Jongin rolls his closed eyes to his head, thinking that it doesn't get better than this.

But the luck's on his side, once again, as Kyungsoo moves to kiss his cheek, his moist lips dragging to his ear next.

"Kyungsoo, I—" But everything falls deaf to the elder's ears, as Jongin trails off, huffing out when Kyungsoo kisses up to his ear, leaving a sharp bite just underneath it, tainting the unblemished skin found there.

Jongin doesn't know what do with his hands, so he moves them to Kyungsoo's biceps, the man humming at the pleasant contact. "What do you want?" 

It's whispered, low in the throat, and Jongin keens under the touch, feeling his ears burning under Kyungsoo's lips. "You!" As if it's enough for Kyungsoo to realize what he meant exactly, he moves back to face him again, licking his lips as his eyes slot briefly down to Jongin's lips.

"If we are found out.."

"But we won't be!" Jongin doesn't know where this is all coming from, but he's waited long enough not to have Kyungsoo more than this.

Kyungsoo smirks, slowly, patiently, like he's having all the time of this world, and not having hot and bothered Jongin, pliant in his hold instead. But then his eyes darken, as he licks his lips again, moving them closer and closer, until they slot in between with Jongin's.

Jongin moves him closer, pushing at the elder's shirt, wanting to feel all of him. It's dangerous, it's daring, and it's something out of his comfort zone, but he pushes Kyungsoo off, pulling him to his bedroom.

Kyungsoo's back hit the duvet first, as Jongin stands over him, just looking. Looking at the way the elder's onyx hair sprawls over the peach duvet, looks as Kyungsoo seizes him up, looking him dead in the eyes, and admires. He admires the scene all too much, before dropping down on his knees, moving to Kyungsoo's lap.

The elder doesn't say much, only peering down to the scene enrolling, and Jongin thanks silently for the closed blinds on his windows. Because when he unzips Kyungsoo's pants, and pulls them off along with boxers, he doesn't want anyone to enjoy in the sight too.

He grabs the elder's thick and half-hard cock, giving it a hard and long squeeze, smirking when Kyungsoo arches off the bed, pinching his brows in the middle. He's strong veins, and strong gazes, and Jongin gives the cock another stroke, as his lips close around the tip.

It's salty, and a little bit sour, but Jongin hardens in his pants when Kyungsoo keens, groaning at the back of his throat. His hand doesn't stop pumping, as his lips lick at the slit, collecting pre-cum that has gathered there, before engulfing him fully, as much as his mouth can take.

He gags a bit, bringing the cock out to mouth at the cockhead instead, and Kyungsoo praises him, raking his fingers in Jongin's hair. "You're doing great. Keep going!"

Something swells in Jongin's chest on that, and he pushes himself further down, taking more and more, swallowing every inch of a thick cock, until his nose kicks short pubic hair at the bottom. 

Kyungsoo's thighs keep him close, and Jongin feels like wanting to die just like this. But he remembers the task at hand, quite literally, and moves back, sucking and hallowing his cheeks for the pressure.

Kyungsoo groans, sometimes trashes, as Jongin moves his lips up and down, mouthing at the prominent vein under the shaft. Pleasant shivers run down Kyungsoo's spine on a particular hard suck, and Jongin moves off with a loud pop.

"Come here," The elder beckons him close, switching their places, as Jongin gets naked next. 

He lays stark naked, sprawled over the bed, as Kyungsoo works his pants off completely, coming back to fit in between Jongin's legs. "You're so gorgeous," He comments, offhandedly, and Jongin feels himself actually blushing. 

But it's short-lived, because Kyungsoo takes him in a warm hand, pumping from the base up, twisting his fist just underneath his cockhead. "What do you want me to do?"

"Kiss me," Jongin comments, inhaling sharply when Kyungsoo moves his gorgeous plump, and not to add moist lips, over his cockhead, pouting around it. "Fuck!"

"Feisty, aren't we?" Kyungsoo teases, and starts sucking, doing it like a pro.

Now, Jongin has had some experience with bedtime before, especially with males, but nothing compares to Kyungsoo right now, as he sucks around his slit, his thumb scratching it with dull nail, before he gathers a spit on his tongue, moving further down once again.

Jongin trashes around the bed, digging his fingernails in the soft duvet, trying to watch the scene downstairs. Kyungsoo moves fast, sucking and jerking him off, and if Jongin wasn't careful, he would've blown his load already.

But he pulls Kyungsoo off just in time, moving him up and kissing him square on the mouth. "Enough!"

"Very well," Kyungsoo sounds out of breath too, and Jongin kisses him again. "What do you want?"

"I want you.. I want all of you.." Jongin whispers at his lips, as he feels a shiver down to his toes when Kyungsoo palms him again, smirking at his lips.

"Have you..." Kyungsoo tries to ask when he reaches for his mouth, slipping three fingers inside, coating them with saliva. 

They don't have anything. Condoms need a prescription to buy, and lube is not legal in their country, no matter where you try to buy it. They throw you in jail faster than if you tried to buy some illegal arms, like guns and pistols.

So Kyungsoo coats them nice and fully, slipping them out with a loud squelch, as Jongin stumbles over his words. "Um.. N-no, actually.. I haven't.." When he expected Kyungsoo to laugh and leave him like this, hot and bothered, Kyungsoo actually smiles, cradling his red cheek with other, clean hand. 

"Then it might be better if we do it like this, this time.." Jongin beams at the mention of the next time, but stops and stares when Kyungsoo straddles him, both of his thighs on each side of his waist.

The elder is gorgeous, more than gorgeous like this, and Jongin falls even more, if possible. 

Kyungsoo takes off his shirt, staying bare like himself, but on his lap, and Jongin still doesn't believe his luck. But then gets his head blown when Kyungsoo leans over, reaching for his knee as a leverage, and moves his hand down and over his tightly pulled balls.

Jongin watches like in trance, waiting for the first finger to slip in, but Kyungsoo teases himself for a bit. Instead, he circles his clenched hole with forefinger, hissing at the contact.

He swirls it again, before slipping two at the same time, huffing out as he waits for the pain to subdue. "I've done this more than enough times, you know.."

"Does it hurt?" Jongin asks dumbly, already knowing the answer, and mewls when Kyungsoo moves his fingers slowly, stretching himself open.

"No.. 'Know why?" Jongin swallows dryly, not tearing his eyes off the sight, shaking his head after a moment too long. "Because every time I've done it, I always thought of you.. Doing this to me, fucking me raw and open.."

Jongin moans, twitching painfully under Kyungsoo's plush ass, and pulls the elder to sit down on him completely. Kyungsoo moans when his hand is being replaced with Jongin's, his long fingers fitting in just perfectly.

"More, Jongin. More, please.." And Jongin fucks him on his fingers, adding one more when Kyungsoo asks, moving them in and out, in and out. He curls one, testing the elder's limit, but when Kyungsoo keens, shutting his eyes in a breathless moan, Jongin tries it again, scraping the walls with his dull nails.

"Enough, I need you!" Kyungsoo pushes his fingers out, and instead grabs Jongin at the base, lining them up. 

Jongin slots his eyes between the fluttering hole that has the most excruciating heat ever, and Kyungsoo's eyes, when the elder smiles gummily, lowering down to kiss him on the lips.

"This might hurt," He says as if Jongin is on the receiving end, and when he kisses back, his cockhead slips in, making him wince and curse out loud.

"Fuck, you're so..."

"Tight?" Kyungsoo laughs, hiccupping when the cock slips all the way in, his bum sitting completely on Jongin's navel. "And fuck! You're so big.."

They both inhale and exhale at the same moment, as Kyungsoo rolls his hips, swallowing more of Jongin with a drawled moan. Jongin grabs his thighs, moving his hands slowly up to his hips, massaging the skin there.

Kyungsoo pushes up and down, standing on his knees, as Jongin thrusts upwards, meeting him halfway. "This feels good.." The elder moans, tipping his head back on a particular hard thrust.

And Jongin.. Jongin's at loss of words.

What they are currently doing, is considered a sin in their country. And Jongin thinks it should be, after all. Because all of this—Kyungsoo in his lap, riding his hard member, grunting at the back of his throat with his eyes shut closed, mouth parted with little puffs of air leaving every once and awhile, totally blissed because of him and him only—shouldn't be considered as something good for his health and wellbeing. 

He feels his heart hammering against his ribcage when Kyungsoo stops for a second, looking him down. His lips puff out on the fullness he feels, before he leans down, nibbling Jongin's bottom lip.

"If you don't move, we'll stay here all day long.."

Jongin exhales a laugh, rolling his hips up. "I don't mind that.." When Kyungsoo keens high pitched, leaning away to grab at his thighs, exposing everything, Jongin adds, "Not even the slightest.."

But he knows what to do, at least with this situation, so Jongin pulls out, pushing Kyungsoo to the bed instead, as he settles in between his thighs. His thick, glorious thighs that feel pudgy but firm in his warm palms. The elder moans upon contact, so Jongin rolls down, kissing and biting into the sensitive skin of his inner thighs.

"Jongin.. fuck!"

"Call me—"

"If you want me to call you daddy, you've got to work harder!" Kyungsoo cuts him off, and Jongin pales, before looking up. His cheeks hurt from blushing at the tease, but Kyungsoo's hurt from laughing so hard, as he pushes him up, kissing Jongin's dazed face.

"I was just kidding, Nini.. I know that you want me to call you master, or some kinky shit like that.."

Jongin splutters, jerking up on his knees, almost hitting Kyungsoo's face in the process. "I do not!" He defends, but pouts when Kyungsoo laughs louder, pulling him back down.

"I know.. I know.. We're gonna have a lot more occasions to explore your fantasies, don't worry." Kyungsoo says at his lips, and Jongin puffs out a breath of embarrassment. But he still smiles, widely, honestly at Kyungsoo, totally being overlapped across his naked body.

"Has anybody ever said to you how gorgeously stunning you are?" Jongin kisses his lips, moving to his cheeks and down to his neck, where he nuzzles, inhaling deeply. 

"Yeah.." Kyungsoo moans his answer, grabbing his nape for pulling him closer.

"I want their names, their addresses and their—"

Kyungsoo laughs again, all crinkly and gummy, and Jongin trails off at the sight. Even though their future is unknown, one thing that Jongin is sure of is how little it takes for Kyungsoo to disarm him.

"I need you, Nini.. Please.." Kyungsoo mewls, pulling him between his thighs, caging him in. Jongin smiles, then smirks, because he has the power now. 

But not for long, since Kyungsoo groans, rolling them over. "If you don't fuck me right now, I'll ride you until you're dripping and then some..." 

As much as the offer is tempting, like really, Jongin still pushes him off, sitting in between his thighs. "Do I have to..?"

"Just push it— Fuck! Okay! Fuck!" Kyungsoo curses wantonly, as Jongin pushes deep, burying himself to the hilt. 

The impeccable heat is almost mind boggling, but Jongin swallows a moan treating to fall over his bee-stung lips, and moves. Slowly, at first, testing his limits, before rolling his hips more and more.

"That's it... Keep going.." Kyungsoo hiccups, pulling at the pillow under his head, digging his teeth painfully in his bottom lip. His eyes are glazed over, totally full-blown, and Jongin tucks his cock deeper. 

He pushes Kyungsoo's legs around him, holding one with his hand, as the other one comes to lay besides Kyungsoo's head, his body draping over his again. 

"Yeah? I fuck you good?"

Kyungsoo moans at the breathy whisper left at his lips, biting his lower lip until he draws blood, not bearing to look Jongin in the eyes. But Jongin moves his head back to face him, killing him in spot with his eyes. Jongin doesn't blink, doesn't move, only breathing out as his hips rolls and thrusts, fucking him good.

"Ha-harder! Please!" Kyungsoo mewls, pushing his hips down too. He wants to come from Jongin only, feeling his reach coiling in the bottom of his stomach, but Jongin licks his lips, teasing him.

"Tell me!"

"Fuck! I can't.." The pace is slow, but deep, and every time Jongin comes down, deeper and deeper, Kyungsoo's nerves are hit dead-on.

"Fucking tell me!"

"You fuck me so good! The best! But.. please!" 

Jongin's satisfied with the answer, so he pulls away, leaving only the cockhead sucked in, leaning back. Kyungsoo looks like a wreck, and both of them are soaked in sweat. They don't know how long has it's been since Kyungsoo came back, but they don't mind. 

They are staying like this. For now at least.

Jongin drinks in the sight of sprawled Kyungsoo, before holding his groin with both hands, just in the crevice where his thighs meet his ass, and pushes in. Slams back in, making Kyungsoo choke out a moan, arching against him.

"Fuck! Do that again!"

And Jongin starts pushing out, moving his thick cock out and in, nearing his release too. 

After that is all loud gasps, and silent moans. Jongin pushes deeper, harder, deeper, harder, catching Kyungsoo's lips in a needy lip-lock, kissing him with all his might. 

They are both near, Kyungsoo alarms him, but Jongin just pistols in and out, feeling the walls sucking him in. It's almost painful, the pace they rock together, moving the bed, and hitting the wall behind it. The dent in the façade would be a nice souvenir, if you ask him. 

But Kyungsoo's nails rake through his arms, moving up and over his shoulder-blades, holding him close. The elder's moans are in staccato rhythm, matching with his heaved breathing, and Jongin buries his face in his neck when his release hits him.

He doesn't stop thrusting, though, only pushing harder, faster, riding out his release that takes his breath away, making his lungs burn. His head throbs, as Kyungsoo bites into his shoulder, coming too.

Through white vision, Jongin moves just enough to look at the other's well-spent frame, Kyungsoo blearily looking back.

He pushes his half-hard cock in and out, riding their orgasms through the mess, as Kyungsoo hiccups on being overly-sensitive. 

Eventually, he pushes out, breathing deeply, rolling off to the side of the bed. But before he could look back at the ethereal being next to him, Kyungsoo tucks his body in his natural curve, nuzzling his face in Jongin's shoulder.

"I'm so glad I've met you!" It's what is whispered at his sweaty skin, and Jongin feels like crying, really.

Crying because in this fucked up world, in this dull and boring rules-enticed world, he found someone. He found his colorful corner, and it's nuzzling into his cheek, leaving slow and tender kisses along his skin. 


	2. 2/2

The next time Jongin wakes up, he looks up to the same boring and dirty ceiling. The feeling is the same, but the passion is different. Because when he looks down to the mop of black hair, he smiles widely, not being able to lower the corners down.

Kyungsoo's still asleep, still in his embrace, even after a full night of sleep, and Jongin's smile is so wide it breaks his face in half.

He doesn't want to move, like ever, wanting to share this moment for as long as possible, but Kyungsoo mewls something in his sleep, turning around and stretches lazily. 

"Good morning," The elder's voice is even thicker and gruffer in the morning, and Jongin coos internally. 

"Good morning, gorgeous." He nuzzles back in Kyungsoo's neck, kissing soft skin he finds there. The elder tries to push him off, shying away from the pliant touch, but fails as Jongin moves on top of him, holding his hands on each side of his head.

"What now, hmm?"

"Well, I don't mind waking up like this for the rest of my life.." Kyungsoo comments, like thinking about it for longer than this moment only, but it shakes Jongin to the core.

"I can take you upon that offer, and what then? You'd be stuck with me forever.." He smiles, trying to ease up the atmosphere, but Kyungsoo doesn't mind it. 

"What if I want it, huh? What if I want you to lock me up in here, and never let me go?!"

Jongin looks into his eyes, pushing the teasing aside for a couple of moments. "Kyungsoo—"

But his nest sentence is cut off when somebody bangs on the front door loudly and boisterously. "Do you expect some guests?" Kyungsoo asks through confusion, laughing softly.

Both of them scramble off the bed, putting on everything they can, before walking out to the front door. Jongin shows him to wait, moving closely to the door, as to peek through the peephole. 

But just as his eyes close for the other to look through, the knocking starts again, but this time it's not knocking, rather slapping the door loudly.

"Shit!" Jongin jumps away, sharing a look with Kyungsoo, who nods back, moving to the door instead.

"What are you.." Jongin tries to stop him, but just as he tries to come closer, Kyungsoo has already grabbed the doorknob, opening the door for only him to stand in the slit. 

"What can I do for you?"

Jongin stays back, contemplating to walk in the slit too, and see who was on the other side, but the Government might've sent their men, and he fears for their safety.

But then Kyungsoo nods quickly to something, before Jongin peers slowly at the person on the other end of the hall. It's a man, a lot older than them, maybe Kyungsoo's height, wearing his mustache basically in his mouth. 

He's talking, lividly so, but Jongin doesn't hear him that well. Until Kyungsoo apologizes for some reason. He nods again, and again, confirming for whatever the man asked, and then he's closing the door, locking twice for good measure.

"Who was that?" Jongin didn't realize the breath he was holding, but Kyungsoo smiles effortlessly, moving towards him.

"The landlord."

"This building has a landlord?!" He splutters, because this can't be a good sign.

"Yeah, he's this middle-age man with awfully yellow porn-stash." Kyungsoo laughs out loud, coming to stand in front of him, craning his head to look up to Jongin. 

"And?"

"And, you haven't told me you're living here illegally?" Kyungsoo raises his eyebrows, the smile never faltering from his face.

"Oh... That.." Jongin scratches the back of his neck, making a face. "... Sorry?"

"Sorry!? Jongin, you can't be doing that! If the landlord, or any of the other tenants reported you, your ass would be on its way back to the clinic.." Kyungsoo's smile falters for a moment. "Or worse.."

"But I didn't have anywhere else to go and besides—"

"You can always come and live with me!" When Jongin looks back at Kyungsoo, he only sees sincerity and pureness. It's more than he could ever ask for, and Jongin says exactly that.

"But it's different! You're not imposing or anything. I'm asking you to come and live with me. Besides, it could be fun.." His thick brows dance across his forehead in a teasing manner, and Jongin stumbles over his words.

"But, but.."

"'But, but'" Kyungsoo teases him, slapping his cheek softly with outstretched palm. "I won't take no for an answer, Kim Jongin! You're coming to live with me, liking it or not.." He turns to leave, wiggling his cute butt for a show, before throwing over his shoulder. "Besides, I've already told the porn-stash that we're leaving today."

Jongin baffles, stepping one step in Kyungsoo's direction, before swallowing any excuse he's left on his lips, slouching his shoulders. 

Great.

 

 

***

 

 

They packed everything that Jongin brought with him from his old place, and everything that he's bought for the previous month of living illegally, as Kyungsoo said, in the new flat, and went to the first bus station.

"I can't believe we have to take everything by foot!" Jongin grumbles for the nth time that day, and sighs as Kyungsoo slumps against him on the bench under the shade. 

"Stop whining, you big baby. I don't see you with a car either.." He throws back, wiping the sweat from his brow, as he doubles over to grab a stray bag that started rolling off from Jongin's luggage.

"Yeah, but I'm the fugitive, here, remember?" Jongin's being sarcastic, he knows, but Kyungsoo still laughs awkwardly at the woman standing beside them, eyeing them carefully.

"Yeah, you're the fugitive from mom's house, ha-ha. She's gonna kill you when I get you back home!" Kyungsoo throws in the mix, pulling confused and lost Jongin off the bench and into the bus that stops in front of them, grabbing everything with hurry.

"Soo, what the hell?" Jongin drops the bags from his hands to the last two seats at the back of the bus, massaging the spot on his arm where his companion grabbed him oh so lovely.

"You were being too obvious, so I had to do something!" Kyungsoo hisses back, taking a glance over the bus, before leaning up on his tippy-toes, and kisses Jongin's nose softly. 

It's brief, touch barely there, but Jongin still blushes, baffling silently. "Soo!" He whines, again, and not that Kyungsoo's keeping track, but he's pouting awfully much. 

So he giggles, sitting on the biggest bag of Jongin's clothes and pushes Jongin to stand in front of it. This way, he's shielded from the rest of the bus, and he's sitting, so it's a win-win situation. 

Jongin grumbles something under his breath, lowering his head down to glance at the elder who leans his head on his lower back, humming something under his breath. 

And Jongin just stops. Stops and watch as the elder turns into a younger of them two, closing his eyes and allowing his brain to shut off for the rest of the ride. It's peaceful like this, Jongin thinks. As the bus lulls them into a steady rhythm, almost perfect for sleeping, the man of his dreams currently napping on his back. 

His whole life is practically stuffed in those couple of boxes at his feet, but he doesn't mind. He doesn't mind to leave his old flat, knowing that he wouldn't go back to it, no matter that he lived there twice already, and doesn't mind to start this with Kyungsoo.

With Kyungsoo, of all people.

The elder is dozing off softly at his back, and Jongin glances occasionally, afraid that he might fall and kiss the dirty floor or something. But just as he smiles softly, checking the scenery outside, Kyungsoo bites him playfully just above him bum.

"What the.." He turns to glare, barely containing not to yelp out loud, but finds beaming Kyungsoo who looks outside the windows instead of meeting his eyes.

He smiles, again, before laughing, kicking the bag under Kyungsoo's butt with his heel. 

Their bus stops, and Kyungsoo's quick to pull him out, reminding him to pick the rest of the bags. 

Jongin thanks the driver before he drives off, before turning to look at the complex they stopped at. It's rather clean, considering his previous two residential areas, and there are the same boring and dull buildings, but what's new.

Kyungsoo pulls him by his sleeve, turning to walk to this one side where the most trees are planted. Jongin keeps up, but stays along the path a bit longer, admiring the calmness of the quart, a couple of people that just passes them without looking up, and the serenity that he feels at the moment.

"Hurry up, you big baby! You can watch it from the balcony!" Kyungsoo yells for him, laughing loudly and honestly as Jongin race him up to the top floor of this particular building where Kyungsoo lives. 

He thinks it's such a nice coincidence that they both live on the highest floors, and Jongin says it out loud.

"Match made in heaven, huh." Kyungsoo winks at him, before stopping to catch his breath, unlocking his front door.

And Jongin believes him. And even pep-talks himself mentally for the emotions that he's feeling right now—for this place, for this peach colored 'welcome' mat in front of it, for this change, for the freedom, but mostly for the perfect splash of color named Do Kyungsoo that walks him into the flat, closing the door behind them.

"Now, you wouldn't live here illegally, but some rules are to follow," Kyungsoo winks at him when they drop all of his stuff in the spacious living room, as Jongin loses his breath.

It's much bigger than all of the places he vacated before, but with not many furniture as he liked to pack his rooms with. There's this two-cushioned linen couch in the middle of the room, standing in front of a TV set, and medium sized black coffee table. Across the room, Jongin sees the hall leading probably to the bathroom and the kitchen, and when they walk further down the path, he's right.

"I have one bathroom, and one bedroom. So..." Kyungsoo trails off as he opens the door to his bedroom, the lack of too much furniture not surprising Jongin at all.

"So.. We sleep together?" He asks, just to get a kick of it, but Kyungsoo laughs, pushing him out and back to the living room. 

"No, Mr. Kim! I'm a gentleman and I don't put out on a first date," They both laugh at that, before Jongin helps Kyungsoo with his stuff, unpacking everything in the latter's room, nonetheless.

"You can have like.. a drawer, or something.. Maybe!" Kyungsoo yells from his walk-in closet, and Jongin laughs in return, familiar by now with the teasing. 

"That's okay, I plan to live in your heart, anyway," He's being cheesy, and dramatic, and Kyungsoo doesn't appreciate it, because when Jongin finds him in the closet, he's blushing all the way to the tips of his ears.

"What if I'm already having a tenant living in my heart? And that tenant is so big and great, that I don't have a place for anybody else?" Kyungsoo turns to face him, trying to tease with his smirk, but Jongin sees through his façade, collecting him in his arms instead.

"Kyungsoo.. I was rudely interrupted earlier in bed—"

"That's because you were about to be kicked out from the flat for living there illegally." Kyungsoo notes, but when Jongin makes a face, he tells him to continue. 

"But what I wanted to tell you before is... that I don't know how this works.."

"Living with another human being? Or paying for your place of living? Or actually informing someone before breaking in and taking their flat? Or—"

But Jongin shuts him with a kiss. "Let me talk, okay?"

Kyungsoo nods dumbly, licking his lips instead. He's already in a daze, and he doesn't know what Jongin's words could do to him next.

"I grew up alone, basically." Kyungsoo opens his mouth on that, but doesn't know what to say. So he shuts up, widening his eyes in fear of where this could go. "My parents were killed when I was about four years old.. My mother was pregnant with my brother, and they wanted me to name him, but then.." He's talking about his family. He's talking about his parents for the first time ever since it happened, and he's talking with Kyungsoo.

The person he's met the last, but quickly became first for him in everything. His first real kiss, his first time, his first skip of the heart. So he shushes his demons aside, looking up to Kyungsoo's watery eyes, starting again.

"It was my fault, really. I don't know how it happened, but..." He trails off again, guilt coming to catch up with him, and he feels himself shaking in Kyungsoo's hold.

"It's okay, Nini. Let it out! Here, come," Kyungsoo pulls him to sit down on the floor, letting him hold his hands again like the previous time when they talked back in Jongin's new-found flat.

"I don't remember much, but one day they were just gone. Just like that. Some lady came to pick me up from the kindergarten and didn't take me home. Actually, that flat that I was just kicked out of, was the first home that I remember. I used to run around, playing with toys, as my mother read on the balcony, and my father worked around in the kitchen. That's my only memory of them, you know.." Jongin stops his words, swallowing down hard, thinking it over and over.

No matter how many times he's been thinking, trying to recollect his memories, that was the only one that stuck with him. Maybe it was because of his mother, that was pregnant with his baby brother that he wanted to name Taemin or Taeyang, or something like that but didn't get the chance to. Or maybe it was because his dad was the worst cook ever, but he loved to cock no matter what the outcome turned out to be. Or maybe because that was the first and the last time that he felt his baby brother kicking in his mother's tummy, waving him back. 

Jongin sucks in another breath, admiring Kyungsoo for listening, and for staying quiet. "I didn't know what happened. For a very long time, actually.. But when I got older, I started investigating. I always thought that my parents were good people, you know. Working diligently, making sure that I had everything that I wanted, and they still made sure they were there to tuck me in for the night.. But then, after years and years of trying and trying, I finally found something."

"You see, when you work for the Government, they tend to take your whole life with them. Whether it was because they need their people to work every day, all day, or because they think that they don't need some free times when you work on making the country a better place to live in. And when they take your job, your free time, and your life, they want to move you around, to use you as their pawn, until you've done all the dirty doings that they wash their hands from.." Jongin stops for a moment, exhaling his next line. "That pawn was my dad.."

Jongin's not crying, he doesn't need to, but Kyungsoo is. He understands it all, all too well, and he realizes what their mistakes were.

"But then, he opposed to something one day. Just stood up, leaving work early, not stopping even to apologize for his behavior. And they couldn't tolerate something like that.. They couldn't allow him to behave like that, to be a free man that just wanted to afford to bring flowers to his wife everyday, and his son's favorite cookies."

Jongin bawls by now, curling himself up in Kyungsoo's side, hiccupping over his words. "They used him as an example, Soo. As a fucking example of how not to disrespect the community, the Government and people that are so used to discipline and rules."

Kyungsoo hugs him, close and tight, offering his shoulder for Jongin to cry on. And he cries. He cries for the longest, bawling his eyes out on the elder's shirt, who doesn't say anything, allowing him to let it out. His cheeks hurt from trying not to cry, as his eyes sting, but he lets Jongin have his moment, because he's here now. He's here now to listen, to be, to love.

And Jongin deserves it more than anyone.

"I'm sorry for ruining your shirt," Jongin laughs through his tears, wiping them off with his sleeve, instead.

"Nini,"

"That's what my mom used to call me.."

"You don't like it, then?"

"No, no. I love it!" Jongin smiles widely, and Kyungsoo falls even more. If that's even possible.

Not knowing what to say, he leans in, brushing his lips along Jongin's eyelids, kissing the tears away. He moves them to hover over his blushy cheeks, kissing each trace where the tears slipped through, making Jongin giggle when his lips stop at his nose, poutely kissing the tip of it.

"Promise me that you'll talk to me whenever you have a problem," He's still holding both of his cheeks in warm palms, and Jongin's still hiccupping every once and while. Kyungsoo brushes his lips with his own as he speaks, but Jongin still nods, promising to himself too.

"Great!" Kyungsoo beams, before closing the distance between, kissing him square on the mouth.

Jongin relaxes into the touch, giving more of him, like he's never done before, loving it all too much. Kyungsoo mewls into the kiss, treading his fingers through Jongin's long locks, pulling the strands through it. 

"Kyungsoo.. Kyungsoo.."

Jongin mantras out loud, unconsciously so, as he kisses him again, pulling the elder to his lap instead.

"You're so brave.. So noble.. So.. So.. So right!" Kyungsoo kisses him back, tangling their tongues in a long and languid kiss, moaning at the back of his throat when Jongin slips his hands down and under his waistband, cupping his ass-cheeks. 

"God, you have no idea what you do to me!" Jongin whispers at his lips, locking them again, as he pulls and kneads the plushness in his palms, moving Kyungsoo across his lap.

The elder kicks his head back on a particular thrust, trashing slowly as Jongin grinds them together, earning equal moans from both of their bee-stung lips.

They move together; Kyungsoo grinding down to Jongin's thrusts upwards. Jongin almost losing it when the elder huffs out at his lips, pulling him by his nape for another kiss.

"Yes! Yes!" Kyungsoo chants, slotting his hips down better, feeling his peak close. He throws his head with a silent moan hanging from his lips when he comes, painting his eyelids white from the inside.

Nonetheless, he grinds down, hiccupping from the release, as Jongin comes too, bucking up and releasing the tension.

They catch their breaths together, not hurrying anywhere, as Jongin kisses Kyungsoo up and down. The elder giggles in his lap, closing his eyes and letting Jongin do whatever, before he stands up to take off his soiled pants and underwear.

"Don't you think this was a nice place for something like that?" Kyungsoo smiles over his shoulder, raising his brows teasingly as Jongin catches up, laughing upon realizing the situation. 

"Well, we need to shower, so—" He picks him up, holding him bridal style, as Kyungsoo laughs out loud, his naked ass on display.

Jongin doesn't want to let him go, so Kyungsoo turns the tap in the bathtub, hanging from Jongin's arms. The water feels nice on his fingers, as they wait for the bathtub to fill in, kissing slowly and deeply.

When the water reaches some safe level for both of them to get in, Jongin kisses Kyungsoo again, dropping him slowly in the tub, before taking off his clothes, joining him in. 

"Ah, this feels so..."

"Perfect?" Kyungsoo asks, leaning on his front, as Jongin hugs him from behind, putting both palms on the elder's tummy. 

"Why do you always finish my sentences? Maybe I wanted to say cold, or too hot, or—"

"Because I know what you're thinking, Jongin," Kyungsoo turns in his embrace, leaning his head on his shoulder instead. Jongin hugs him again, kissing his crown, as Kyungsoo starts again.

"When you first arrived, I was indifferent.."

"My ethereal glow didn't knock your socks off?" 

Kyungsoo laughs, kicking him in the arm, before sprinkling some water with his hands. "No! As I said, you were just another face.. Just another face that will come and go, just like that.."

Jongin calms down, leaning his cheek on top of Kyungsoo's head, slowly moving his hands over his arm and back, soothing him. 

"And then you said something.. You said something that made me think, you know.."

"I didn't know I had that effect on people."

"Well you do, Jongin. You do!" Kyungsoo cradles his cheek, leaning up to kiss his chin softly. "It was when we arrived to your room, when you said—no, showed me how much you didn't care about what happened with you.. You see, patients that come to the clinic are scared. They are scared and pressured to be admitted, and they follow our rules blindly."

"Because they want to live after treatment."

"Exactly! They want to continue with their lives, being ready to even peel their skin off their backs, just to make sure they could go back to their previous lives.. But you.. You were different." Kyungsoo looks down to the water, imagining those times over and over again.

"I was scared for you, at first. Because I thought you'd be suicidal.. I was scared that you were ready to take the final step, and lose it all. But you weren't angry at yourself, and you weren't scared for yourself, you were pissed at the world."

"I still am." Jongin adds, for good measure.

"And you still are!" Kyungsoo chuckles, moving his hand off his arm and links their fingers together. "When I started talking to you, when I started to spend some time with you, I felt at ease. Because I could talk to you, could share everything and not be afraid of you betraying my trust. And when that day with those meds came..."

"I'm sorry for yelling at you." Jongin offers quickly, squeezing Kyungsoo closer in his lap. "They fucked me up that day, and I think that was the first and last time when I really thought about giving in, letting you do whatever with me.."

"That's why I had to think fast! I remember leaving your room, coming to my office, and locking myself in. I just told you to wait for me that night, and not fall asleep, and I hadn't even had a plan of what to do to help you.."

"Why did you help me? I wanted to ask you.. Why me, that is?" Jongin looks down to the shorter in his embrace, waiting for Kyungsoo to look up. But when the elder blushes in the prettiest pink, Jongin chuckles. "You had a crush on me?!"

"Shut up! I thought you were cute, okay!"

Kyungsoo moves their interlaced hands over the surface of the water, ignoring Jongin's pointed stare. But the younger is not having any of it, so he pulls Kyungsoo's chin up, kissing him on the lips before he gets the chance to say anything.

"Do you still think I'm cute?"

"I think that you're dumb now, so does that count?" Kyungsoo snickers, hiding his face in Jongin's neck.

"Well, ever since I met you, I thought you were absolutely gorgeous.." He starts, but hears a murmur of 'liar' somewhere along his neck vein. "No, really! When I snapped at that nurse and you came to save her like a knight in shining armor, I thought you were so cool."

"Cool? Jongin, nobody uses that word nowadays!"

"But I do, because you're cool!"

"And I'm the older here.." Kyungsoo grumbles again, like a grandpa he is, but it doesn't have a bite to it. 

"Well, then I thought you were scary, because you were talking about the Government in a bad light, and I thought 'wow, this hyung is awesome'."

"Jongin! Stop!" Kyungsoo moves to stand up, but falls in heaps of limbs and splashed water when Jongin pulls him back down.

"Where are you going? I'm not done yet."

"But you're embarrassing! I want to leave!" Kyungsoo mutters under his breath, but stays in his embrace after all.

They stay like that for the longest, the water changing from lukewarm to almost completely cold, so Kyungsoo's the one to get out first, pulling Jongin out and in his hands that hold the big, white, fluffy towel. 

"A Nini cocoon!" Jongin yells loudly when Kyungsoo tucks the sides together, drying him whole. 

"Oh my God!" He dies out of embarrassment, moving away from the younger, and instead runs back to his bedroom, burying himself under the covers.

He waits with bated breath for Jongin to appear, but he doesn't dare to peep out, in fear of blowing his cover. But his cover wasn't good in the first place either, since suddenly something—or someone—heavy drops over him, making Kyungsoo grunt loudly, releasing a breath straight from his lungs.

"You're heavy, get off!" He pulls the covers enough for his face to peak out, coming face to face with Jongin who shakes his head, nuzzling closer.

"Jongin!"

"Call me Nini!"

"No!"

"Call me Nini or I'll tickle you!"

Kyungsoo gasps, looking back into his eyes. "You wouldn't dare!"

But Jongin dares, because in the next second his hands move over the sides of the elder, tickling him with the tips of his fingers. 

Kyungsoo trashes around, yelping and screaming for Jongin to release him, but it's all music for the younger's ears.

"God! I'm almost 27, and I haven't laughed like this in probably.. ever!" Kyungsoo trails off, breathing heavily when Jongin moves off him, and instead climbs the covers as well. 

They cuddle quickly after that, as Jongin ponders out loud. "Wait, you're 27? How's that possible?"

"What do you mean, how's that possible? People can be 27, Jongin.."

"People can be 27, true, but you can't be!"

Kyungsoo sits up instead, looking down at the younger incredulously. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you're too cute and adorable, and squishy and— Hey, don't cover yourself!" Jongin pounces on the other when Kyungsoo shies away, tucking his head under the pillows, covering it with duvet next. "I'm serious!" Jongin's laughing too, and he can't stop his heart from hammering inside his chest, making him happy. So fucking happy.

"You can't be 27, you're at least 18 or something.." He trails off when Kyungsoo's unruly hair sticks out of his covers, the owner not amused at all. "You're dumb!"

"Baby, come on!"

On that, both of them still. Kyungsoo raises his eyebrows high, before splitting his face in the most radiating smile ever. Meanwhile, Jongin splutters loudly, whines next and shoves his head in the same covers where Kyungsoo was hiding moments ago.

"Baby? Baby?! Did I hear it right!?!" Kyungsoo tickles his sides, before stopping, waiting for Jongin to talk. But when the younger ignores him, muttering curses under his breath, Kyungsoo straddles him with both thighs on each side of Jongin's waist, hugging him through the covers. "I like it, Nini.. Stop being so childish!"

"But I've never said it before, and I said it to you, and we've been together for—"

"We've been together?!" Kyungsoo feigns gasping, loudly into Jongin's ear, and he groans again, trashing to get the elder off of himself.

"Nope! I'm not going anywhere! I like to lay like this.. Cuddling with bae!" And Kyungsoo uses that cheesy and cringe-worthy nickname people used to call their significant others a couple of years back, and Jongin can't be more flushed than this.

"You're the worst!" He grumbles when Kyungsoo laughs out loud, clutching his stomach at the situation, before pecking Jongin's cheek—or what he assumes is his cheek—above the covers, snuggling into his side.

"Ah, the beauty of young love.." 

Jongin stills, calming his breathing, before asking softly, barely there. "Does this mean.. that we are..."

"Together?" Kyungsoo finishes instead of him, but Jongin stays still. He doesn't dare to hope.

"Well.." And Kyungsoo's beaming, but he doesn't get to see him, since he's still being stubborn, hiding his face in the covers. "If you want.."

"I do!"

Kyungsoo beams even wider, kissing his cheek again, before moving to his lips, kissing his nose instead. "Jongin, I want to kiss you!" He whines, but Jongin shakes his head, pulling at Kyungsoo blindly, as he plants his lips on the elder's lips, luckily, kissing him through the covers.

"Now, this is cheesy," Kyungsoo laughs, before snuggling to his side again, and Jongin agrees. Because it is cheesy, and it is too soon and it is forbidden. But he wouldn't have it any other way.

 

 

***

 

 

"Jongin? Do you like peanut butter?"

Jongin turns around from picking some oranges, raising his eyebrows at Kyungsoo. "Who doesn't like peanut butter?" 

"I don't like it," The elder sticks his tongue out, before skipping to the next row of shelving. 

They are currently at their local supermarket, buying everything they need for the kitchen, among other things like toilet paper and extra shower gels. 

Jongin's picking fruit, while Kyungsoo walks around, peering only when he's in doubt. Just like now. "Do you like crunchy or creamy? I didn't know there were different types, oh!" 

Jongin chuckles as Kyungsoo walks up to him, holding at least dozen jars and tubes of peanut butter in his hands. Well, barely balancing them, but you get the picture. "Baby, I don't mind the type. Besides, why are you buying it if you don't like it?"

"Because you like it!" Kyungsoo pours every jar in their shopping cart, standing on his tippy toes to kiss him. But before he could do that, he clears his throat, standing away, and instead looks through the cart. "Jongin! I told you that mom doesn't like pickles!"

And just like that, their 'roles' as two brothers are back on full display for the public. "Sorry, hyung," Jongin confirms solemnly, throwing the bag of oranges into the cart mix, and walks away.

They've been out in the town all morning. Shopping, walking and doing all things they wanted to do as a couple. But the part of being a couple was erased from the equation, because it was forbidden. 

And Jongin was once again angry.

"Jongin?" He hears Kyungsoo calling for him, but he doesn't turn around. It hurts to act like there's nothing between them, because there is! Jongin feels deeply for the other and just because he doesn't know how to articulate it yet, it doesn't matter it isn't there.

Kyungsoo walks up to him, grabbing his arm to take a better look. "Jongin?" He whispers, holding his stare even when people pass them, glancing at their proximity. 

"Hyung, hey. Do you think appa likes... this?" He looks around, grabbing some cabbage from the crate, tossing it back once those people go their way.

"Is it.. because of that?"

And Jongin hears it. He hears it in his voice, the uncertainty, because Kyungsoo thinks he might've done something wrong. 

And God! Jongin wants to bend him over and kiss the life out of him! Right there and right now!

But there are people around.. Homophobic people that have nothing better to do with their lives, so they have to judge others'. And Jongin feels rage spilling over the edges.

He pushes Kyungsoo's hand off, turning to leave, not even batting an eye when he walks through the exit door with no groceries in his hands. 

Instead, he doesn't even wait for Kyungsoo. He walks and walks, having a dispute with his mind whether to go back and help him or just leave. Leave everything behind, because it hurts!

Somebody jogs up to him, and Jongin knows that walk, knows those hands, and knows that voice that's so gentle. That's gentle even in situation like this, when Jongin hates himself for being different, but being different with Kyungsoo.

Because Kyungsoo deserves to have his hand being held in public, deserves to be loved openly in the eyes of everyone, and he deserves not to be sustained of everything, just because of him. Just because Jongin's male.

But Kyungsoo's there, pushing him to the side and grabbing his face with both hands. He doesn't care that people are watching and he doesn't care that their lives could be discovered, because in this moment, what matters is Jongin.

Jongin melts in the spot.

"What's the matter? Did I do something?"

Jongin huffs out, knowing exactly that the elder would think that. He can't look up because he doesn't want to see the disappointment and fright in Kyungsoo's eyes. Instead, he just pushes his hands off, turning to leave. 

"Let's just go home."

They walk side by side, but neither speaks. Jongin feels Kyungsoo's glances on the side of his face, but he doesn't dare to look back. He just wants to go back to their four walls, bury them under thick duvet where nobody could see them and have Kyungsoo only for himself.

He just fears that Kyungsoo wouldn't be so forgiving about Jongin leaving him back there.

When they walk up to Kyungsoo's floor, Jongin realizes that Kyungsoo's not carrying any grocery bags in his hands. His backpack is still on his back, but it's too small for anything except his wallet, keys and eventually a water bottle to fit in.

The elder unlocks the flat, kicking off his shoes before entering, and waits for Jongin to enter too. When they close the door, Jongin locks it twice, leaning on the wood, helplessly.

"Soo..."

"Are you hungry?" 

Jongin turns around, finding Kyungsoo smiling, widely, honestly, the smile only he has, but what surprises him is the small jar of peanut butter that he's holding up. 

"How did you...?"

"When you left, I couldn't stop to pay for everything, so I grabbed only this," He smiles softer, almost embarrassed for doing so. 

But Jongin.. Jongin thinks that it doesn't get better than this.

He walks up to him, pushing the backpack off to fall to the floor, and the jar to almost drop out of his hands (but not really, since Kyungsoo tosses it softly to the couch behind them), and he pulls him close. 

Hugs him closer, erasing any space left between their bodies, and touches his hair. His slowly cradles it in his palm, his other hand pulling Kyungsoo closer by the small of his back.

"I thought it'd make you feel better," Kyungsoo's talking about the jar of peanut butter, but Jongin feels as if he's talking about himself.

"It does! You do!" He pushes the fringe out of Kyungsoo's eyes, staring deeply into bottomless orbs. "Thank you!"

"For what?" Kyungsoo teases him, he knows, but he's got to say it! Has this urge to yell it from the top of the building, until the whole world knows how much Kyungsoo means to him.. just for being himself!

"For being you! For being here! For not caring that people might out us! For being... for being mine.." 

Kyungsoo cradles his palm over his cheek, leaning into it. "What if I tell you something?"

Jongin raises his eyebrows, feeling the air kicked out of his lungs. With ragged breath, he waits.

"I didn't quite buy the jar, so to say..." Kyungsoo hides his face his chest, and Jongin's got to laugh out loud. 

It really doesn't get better than this!

 

 

***

 

 

"Jongin! Calm down!"

He nods to his boyfriend, wiping both hands across his thighs, as he looks ahead, looking through some TV show rolling behind the glass screen.

His mind is racing, and he might be sick, but Kyungsoo's there, holding his hand, nuzzling into his side. And he's fine.

That until they hear three knocks on the front door, before Jongin bolts out of the seat, walking up and down the living room.

"Jongin," Kyungsoo huffs out, but ignores him in favor of opening the door, muttering a tiny but confident smile. "Hi, you must be Baekhyun!"

There's a male on the other side of the door, swaying nervously on his feet in the hall, so Kyungsoo lets him in after confirming that he is indeed Jongin's friend.

"Make yourself at home. Jong's at the living room."

Baekhyun only nods, walking behind the host, once Kyungsoo leads him to the said room. 

When he looks up after the clearing, Baekhyun's starts crying.

Bawling his eyes right there and then, crossing the room in three long strides, just to come to Jongin.

Jongin's in the similar state, nervous out of his mind, but calm now that he gets to see and feel Baekhyun again.

They hug, close and tight, pulling each other close, closer, making up for the lost time. It's been too long, and neither of them knew about the other one.

Jongin still had Baekhyun's number, and he wasn't even sure if Baekhyun still wanted to see him after what happened.

It was one thing to be outed and admitted to treatments, but it's different to be out after going through it all. When people come back, 'cured' for whatever reason the Gouvernment saw them as nauseous, their family and friends sometimes don't want to have anything to do with them ever again.

It was a foul thing to be a homosexual in their country, it was worse to be an outed homosexual, but the worst thing was to be an outed homosexual who came back after being threated. 

And Jongin was just that.

So when Baekhyun leans back, examining his body and face, grabbing and holding his cheeks like he's been missing him, Jongin feels a big weight being folded from his heart.

"Jongin! I thought- the worst, I—" But Jongin hugs him again, whispering encouragements into his ear, feeling Baekhyun still shaking from everything.

Kyungsoo shuffles on his feet in the back, asking silently if they wanted anything to drink or eat. 

On his boyfriend's voice, his best friend lets him go, turning around to face Kyungsoo instead. "I'm sorry, I didn't get your name,"

Kyungsoo splutters, seemingly embarrassed for even being there in the first place, before Jongin chuckles lightly. "Baek, this is my boyfriend. Kyungsoo, Baekhyun. Baekhyun, Kyungsoo." 

He points between them two, proud for finally introducing two most important people in his life. But he doesn't fail to hear Baekhyun gasping and looking like a fish out of water.

Kyungsoo briefly nods, before shuffling back to the kitchen where he starts the tap for washing the dishes, letting them have a moment of silence.

"Boyfriend? Jongin! You know how that's dangerous!" Baekhyun pulls him to the side, glancing back at the kitchen where they hear the water tilting against the steely sink. 

But Jongin pulls him to sit down, taking his hand in both of his. "Baek, I'm in love!"

It's the first time to say it, and it's the first time for Jongin to say it out loud. But the horror on Baekhyun's face doesn't weaver.

"Jong, I...." But he doesn't know what to say, where to even start, because he knows that his best friend knows how scary and dangerous this is. He only hopes that they know what they're doing. 

"Are you happy?" He asks instead, and when Jongin blinds him with his wide and honest smile, he doesn't doubt them anymore.

 

 

***

 

 

The trio spends entire afternoon in Kyungsoo's flat.

Baekhyun and Kyungsoo start out slowly, barely asking each other what they're dying to hear, and instead Jongin talks mostly.

But then, the awkward atmosphere is pulled away, like unlidded cup, and they're the ones talking the most. They talk about everything they can.

About Baekhyun's work, about Jongin's work, about their high-school (where Baekhyun might've spilled some embarrassing moments about his best friend that made Kyungsoo chuckle with delight), about his flat and how long they've been staying here... but mostly about Jongin.

"...Wow," Baekhyun exclaims, picking his drink with both hands, and just holding it in his lap. His eyes are all over the place, as he tries to understand how they managed to escape, but he doesn't know where to start. "So you helped him?" He asks Kyungsoo again, and Jongin's really proud of that smile that stretches over his boyfriend's face.

"He was so suave, you should've seen him," Jongin reminisces, chuckling when Kyungsoo bats his hand, saying how it wasn't that much.

"But you risked your life.. and your job.. and you two are risking everything here, now.." Baekhyun trails off, cutting the comforting and easy-going atmosphere of their talk. "I'm sorry for saying it like that, but... but it's the truth, right?"

Kyungsoo places his saucer back to the coffee table, swallowing thickly before saying. "It is! We're risking everything! I can lose my job, and my life, but I... I don't mind."

On that, both Baekhyun and Jongin raise their heads, looking equally shocked and mortified. 

"Before I met Jongin, I thought that my life would end in that awful place.. That I'd still feel so angry with the world, and so pathetic with myself,"

"Soo.." Jongin drops his drink down too, standing up and coming to sit next to him. The elder easily falls into his strong arms, huffing out on the emotions that threaten to burst out.

"I know what you must be thinking, Baekhyun.." On that, the said person only snaps his neck to look at him. "What am I doing in the hospital that treats gay people, when I'm gay myself.."

"I.. didn't—"

"And how I'm the biggest hypocrite there is!" 

Kyungsoo stands up, going to the windows that overlook the city, but Jongin sees that he uses the opportunity of his back being turned to them to wipe his eyes. 

"When I started working there.. I didn't know what my job would be.. I thought that maybe we only talked to the 'sick' people—" He air quotes the word, both him and Jongin knowing that he addresses the people who definitely weren't sick. In any matter of their life.

"—but I was wrong.. By the time I realized what that place did..." Kyungsoo shivers on the thought, and Jongin's seconds away for prying some more.

Unfortunately, Baekhyun's not.

"What did you find out?"

Kyungsoo looks back, sitting on the window sill, too far from both of them. It's like he's keeping his distance, because he needs space to get it all out. 

"People kept dying.." He's crying openly now, finally talking about it. "They kept being founded in their rooms, or in the halls, or even in the backyard... with foam coming out of their mouth, with their bones sticking out... with their heads being blown,"

Jongin holds his breath, not even realizing how lucky he was to be out of there. He could've ended like some of those people, and can't even think about the possibility. Kyungsoo really did save him.

"B-blown...? As in—?"

"As in deranged! As in sick and really sick! Both mentally and physically!" Kyungsoo answers Baekhyun's question, and then bends down, hiding his face in his hands as he sobs. 

Jongin bolts out of his seat, going to cradle him in his arms, but his friend stops him. 

"And I couldn't watch it! I couldn't!" Kyungsoo looks up, his eyes bloodshot, as he tries to say it all out. His eyes are half-lidded, tears not stopping, as his bottom lip tremble. "So I went to talk to the head Doctor. Doctor Kim." He says, holding his temples in both palms.

"I thought that if maybe I talk to him.. that maybe he'd understand and that we'd change the ways of 'curing' them, but then..." He trails off, wiping his face down. 

"Kyungsoo?" Baekhyun urges him to talk. 

But Kyungsoo only shakes his head, crying out louder. 

This time, Jongin stands up from the couch, running to Kyungsoo's side where he crumbles down, catching him in the right moment.

He's shivering, massively so, and Jongin tucks his head into his chest, cradling his back with one hand. His other is grabbed forcefully and is currently tucked in between Kyungsoo's two, as he cries, hiding his face in Jongin's shirt.

Baekhyun sits where Jongin left him, thinking about what to say, but mostly blanks at the TV that's off. This was all too much for everyone, so Baekhyun bids his goodbye, hugging Jongin tight when he walks him back to the front door.

"Call me sometimes.. I wish to hear more from you." Baekhyun whispers to his ear, and Jongin only nods. 

It's dangerous to see his friend outside the comfort of Kyungsoo's flat, so he promises to come and visit him when the situation calms down. It's good enough for Baekhyun to kiss his cheek, already walking out. 

"Oh, and take care of him.. I think he's seen things." And with that, Baekhyun walks to the stairs, not turning back.

Jongin closes the door, locking it twice, before inhaling softly. When he comes back to the living room, Kyungsoo's not there anymore, and dread fills Jongin up.

But when he walks to the opened door on the left, he finds Kyungsoo's body tucked under a thick blanket, curled in the middle of their bed. When he approaches, he sees him still shivering, so Jongin discards his pants, and pulls the side of the blanket to crawl in.

This is different. 

This is their safe heaven, and nobody can't get them in here.

Kyungsoo must think the same, because as soon as Jongin's body lays down, the elder tucks his body in the natural curve of Jongin's, pushing his head into the crevice of his neck. But his boyfriend only chuckles lightly, reminding himself who's the younger here, before pushing him to lay on his side, and facing Kyungsoo in the almost pitch black of his royal blue sheets.

"Soo? Do you wanna talk about it?"

Kyungsoo has his eyes down-casted, not closed, and luckily Jongin can see the battle happening in his mind. He bites his lip, inhales but doesn't say anything in return.

"Soo?"

"Why don't you hate me?"

Jongin looks stunned for a second, having a déjà vu of their moment back then when they had met again after his escape. But this time, he knows what to say.

"Why?"

His mind curls away in the last moment, before his tongue gets twisted. It's better to wait a little bit longer for acting upon his—their emotions.

Kyungsoo huffs out, looking through his tears-thick long lashes. "You should, Jongin."

"But I don't. Now tell me.. why?"

Kyungsoo bites the side of his cheek, feeling overwhelmed with everything. They're not touching, but Jongin yearns to bury him in his chest, and save him from everything! 

"If I didn't save you.. If I wasn't your doctor..." He trails off, wiping at his face before the next tear could slide after its sister. "If only we haven't met,"

Jongin's had it enough. He crosses the remaining space, pulling Kyungsoo to his chest. He doesn't know what to say, doesn't think it's time to confess anything, so he just kisses his crown, whispering for him to calm down.

But Kyungsoo doesn't have to calm down. He can feel tired and solemn about the situation, because it's fucked up as it gets. They could be hiding in their apartment for as long as they wished, but it's still unsafe for anyone out there.. They don't get their chance, because this is real life. And in real life - people aren't forgiving. 

"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry," Kyungsoo sniffs in his shirt, pulling Jongin closer, almost cutting his breathing out. And Jongin understands. He understands so much, that his heart breaks when even after almost twenty minutes of just hiding under their cocoon, Kyungsoo's still sobbing. But quietly now, not wanting to alarm Jongin anymore.

"Baby?" He starts out slowly, pulling Kyungsoo's face from where it is tucked in his neck, grazing his cheek when he pops out. "You don't have to tell me what happened to you back then,"

"But I want to.." Kyungsoo confesses, and then whispers slowly.  
"I just don't know how.." 

"Hey! I don't need to know it, if you don't want to relive it again.."

"Really?" Kyungsoo asks with pure hope melting through his eyes, and Jongin's eyes crinkle when he smiles.

"Really!"

"Thank you! Oh, thank you Jongin!" Kyungsoo's back in his arms, kissing his neck and jaw, before pecking him over his face. "Thank you, love.."

And Jongin freezes, seemingly so, because Kyungsoo's still kissing him, pecking his cheek and his cheekbones, going to the side of his nose, and finally down to his lips. 

The kiss is slow, and deep, as Jongin exhales his worry, tucking Kyungsoo closer. And Kyungsoo.. well, he loses himself, again.

"Would you believe me if I say that I'm—" But Jongin's cut off by Kyungsoo's lips, moving over his own, like saying it's okay to wait.

And Jongin understands.

He understands that feelings are for feeling, and that the world, this foul and fucked up world, doesn't get to hear the purest emotions pouring out. 

So he kisses back, saying everything into the kiss without voicing out, and Kyungsoo sobs. 

Because this... this is worth it!

 

 

I love you.

 

 

***

 

 

They wait for the sunrise in each other's arms.

Jongin hugs Kyungsoo closer when he yawns, shifting closer too. 

The Sun peaks from the fluffy clouds, signaling another morning that they got to spend together. Jongin feels like his whole world doesn't matter when his whole world is safe in his arms. 

He wants to run away, really.

He's been thinking about it for so long, but he doesn't know how to voice it out. He's scared that once those words fall over the hem of his lips, that they'd be pulled away from each other. And by this point, he doesn't think he could ever live without Kyungsoo by his side.

So he waits. 

Waits for Kyungsoo to shower with his favorite gel, and waits for the elder to tease him about burning their breakfast eggs. He also waits for every night to kiss Kyungsoo goodnight, and every morning to wake up in his embrace. For Kyungsoo's lips to move along his when he misses him, and for his hand to find his in the heap of bared limbs and heaving chests.

But most importantly, he waits for their moment. 

He waits for the day when he wakes up with Kyungsoo snuggling his side, whispering sweet nothings in his ear, tickling him to rouse. With nothing weighing their souls and shielding their hearts. For the day when they could wake up on the last floor where their flat is and yell from the top of the lungs how much they don't care about anything! How they couldn't bother with anybody else, because their whole world is right here - in their arms.

When he leans down to kiss behind Kyungsoo's ear, thinking it over and over, not bearing to keep his desires and confessions at bay, the elder shifts, pulling his arms closer around his body. Like knowing what Jongin wants, like feeling the same.

And he does. He feels the same, wants even more! 

Because Jongin deserves it! He deserves it all! They deserve it...

Their morning is Sun casted with deep rays that swim through the room, missing the bed for an inch. But they don't mind, huddled up under the thick duvet, sharing their heaven for only two hearts that beat together.

Eventually, Kyungsoo falls asleep, too tired from the night before, not registering when Jongin stands up and shuffles back in the kitchen. He does the dishes next, because they didn't clean out everything last night after Baekhyun left. 

And Jongin tries to be silent, but his heart is beating hard against his ribcage. They are a step closer to being found out, because the Government tightened its claws. The law about letting them live normally still hasn't been brought, and instead of fighting for them, the ministers are fighting against them.

There's still lack of votes on their meetings about the new law in their favor, and Jongin thinks that they wouldn't have enough resource for the law of their resurrection to see the light of the day. People are still seeing them as something worth nothing, and the people who are fighting for them are losing their battles.

They said it all on the TV, and Jongin hasn't been watching it in so long. After those news, they turned it off, never speaking about it again.

Because they know that it was only matter of days when their new way of catching homosexuals would be in notion. The next step to 'extermination' is rummaging houses and homes, checking everything, just to be sure that gay people aren't hiding anywhere.

Their building could be next, as long as they know, and Jongin feels the dread filling him up.. He's worried about every little noise in the halls, or every voice that yells under their window. Because they could be next on the list for checkout, and this time - Kyungsoo's on the line with him too.

Jongin swallows the worry down, exhaling slowly as he waits for the coffee to be done. He likes to drink it sugared and milked, but they haven't gone to the market in so long, leaving them with maybe half the cup of sugar, that they don't use at all. 

So he pours himself dark and bland cup, fixing a few drops of milk just because, before he feels someone else behind him, shuffling on tired feet. When he turns around, Kyungsoo's tugging a blanket over his shoulders, yawning cutely.

"Good morning,"

Jongin smiles, effortlessly so, giving Kyungsoo the cup he's holding. "'Morning. Did you sleep well?"

"Have you slept at all?" Kyungsoo asks instead, licking the rim of the mug to bring it closer for a sip, and when Jongin shuffles back to pour another cup for himself, Kyungsoo huffs out. "Nini, you have to sleep, you know that?"

Jongin only nods. "I'm trying.. I really am.." But.. almost falls from his lips, and even thought he bites his tongue in time, Kyungsoo still hears it.

"Come here," 

Jongin walks back to where the elder is sitting down, shuffling awkwardly next to his chair. 

"I said come here, you big baby." Kyungsoo breaks into a blinding smile, the traces of sleep still clinging to his cheek, as he spreads his hands for Jongin to sit down. 

Eventually, he slips down on his lap, having both of his thighs pressed against Kyungsoo's, straddling him. They share a blanket, and Jongin leans his head on Kyungsoo's shoulder, closing his eyes. 

After a minute or so, he even yawns, and Kyungsoo chuckles, spreading his palms over his shoulder blades to cuddle him up. 

"Sleep, love.." He whispers at his temple, kissing him softly, as Jongin wields his arms around his middle, pulling himself closer to his strong chest. 

He doesn't know how long has it been when he opens his eyes, blinking through the bleariness. But he feels so comfy, and so warm, that he doesn't want to get up.

But the chest under his face vibrates with a deep chuckle, and when Jongin yawns, looking up to the owner, he's blinded with Kyungsoo's warm smile.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better," He mutters, nuzzling back into Kyungsoo's chest. He's a head taller, and Jongin's neck is really stiff from the position, but he's too comfortable to move. Plus, Kyungsoo's hand is in his hair, treading the locks carefully. 

"You've been out for about hour and a half."

On that, Jongin's head snaps up. "What?! You've been sitting like this for an hour and a half?!"

But Kyungsoo pouts and kisses him, wiping his eyes from sleep. "I don't mind,"

"But Soo," Jongin whines, getting ready to stand up, but his legs are still asleep, so he slips back down. Kyungsoo only laughs louder.

"Where are you going, mm? I've been your pillow, young man! At least I deserve a kiss!" 

When he looks back to his boyfriend, Kyungsoo's all crinkling eyes and small, shy kisses. And he's too weak to oppose him.

So Jongin takes Kyungsoo's face in his warm palms, smoothing out his skin, and leans in. Their lips brush, in a silent kiss, as Jongin tilts his head, pushing back in again.

This time, Kyungsoo's hands move over his back to bring him closer, mewling when Jongin's tongue slips past his plump lips. They nip and kiss, bite when feeling brazen, and soon Jongin's melting on his lap, slowly rolling his hips. 

"Jongin—" But Kyungsoo's rudely interrupted when the door bell rings them apart, Jongin shuffling off his lap.

"Who's that?" He asks dumbly, like Kyungsoo knows it right away, but Kyungsoo smiles effortlessly, wiping his worry away. 

"I'll go check, okay?" The elder moves back to the bedroom to put some pants on, when the bell rings two more times - urgently so.

Jongin moves behind him when he explains that it must be Baekhyun since he misses him already, but when Kyungsoo grabs the doorknob, he looks through the peephole. 

His whole back goes rigid, and when he turns, he's quick on his feet, pushing Jongin back to the bedroom. "Hide! Quickly"

Jongin moves with him, walking to the bedroom where Kyungsoo pushes him to the closet, telling him to keep it quiet. 

"Soo!? But who—"

"Just stay here, Jongin! Please, just keep it quiet!" The last Jongin sees are Kyungsoo's eyes bulging out, his breaths coming rigid, before his trembling hands close the doors to the closet tightly. 

Jongin tries to push it open, just a bit to see through the slither, but there's a key turning in the lock, forbidding him to leave. Jongin swallows bitterly, anxiety climbing his insides, as he listens to Kyungsoo running back to the front door probably, stopping the ringing that goes forever.

There's some voices outside the bedroom, too muted for him to hear, but Jongin still listens closely. He doesn't know what's happening, and he dreads the worst.

But it's been a couple of minutes already and nobody came to drag him out just yet. So he waits.

The voices sometimes speak louder, sometimes fainter, but he recognizes Kyungsoo's easily, over three other that talk the most. Jongin's in a black hole, literally, and doesn't know why was he pushed to the closet so suddenly, but he still holds his breath when the voices increase in volume, seemingly getting closer.

"And this is?"

"The bedroom. My bedroom." He recognizes Kyungsoo's voice again, with a little hitch in it, but nothing out of ordinary. Jongin moves to the side to listen to two other voices talking about checking the bathroom and then Kyungsoo's listings on his phone and mobile phone.

But then Kyungsoo explains how he doesn't have a phone, so they drop it, moving to check his bed and underneath it. 

"Did you find something?" A strong voice yells suddenly, making Jongin flinch, hitting his elbow on the sideways of the closet. His hiss is luckily stiffened under another voice coming through, saying how the flat is clean.

"The bathroom?"

"Nope. Nothing, boss!"

"Good!" The voice lowers down, walking heavily over the floor, before stopping on the right side where Jongin knows the doors to the hall stands. "So you've been good, Doctor, huh?"

Jongin feels a shiver running down his spine, as the voice lowers down, almost coiling with the seductive tone in which it speaks, and Jongin feels sick just hearing it. 

"Is that all, Adam? I have work to do!" Kyungsoo spits out, barely keeping his cool, and when that voice chuckles darkly, Jongin presses his hands on each side of the closet doors. 

"Oh, but you haven't been to work in almost a month, Doctor. Is something happening with you?" 

He knows this voice, and he knows the name Adam. But Jongin doesn't get it just yet.

"I took some leave. I was feeling tired." Kyungsoo's voice is clipped, sounding almost on a verge of breaking and yelling for the three male to get out, but still tattering.

"Well, we missed you in the clinic, you know.." Jongin doesn't need to see it to know that the foreign voice is speaking just for Kyungsoo to hear, and he fears that he's touching the doctor too. 

Jongin's vision reddens when Kyungsoo's breath hitches, and Adam chuckles.

"Such pretty lips, hmm.. Too bad I didn't get to play with them too,"

Jongin's knuckles whitens along the doors, wanting to break free and knock some shit into him. He's barely a metar away from the scene, and he can't do anything but listen.

"Is that all?" Kyungsoo's voice is still just as strong, just as solid, and Jongin feels proud. 

But he presses closer, waiting to hear for something else. If only he could get out, if only he could kill him for ever getting closer to his Kyungsoo.

"Feisty, aren't we? You still haven't changed, huh, Doctor.." Adam speaks again, probably up into his personal space, and Jongin feels angrier than ever before.

"Like you had a chance with me!" Kyungsoo spits out, finally giving in to his desire to throw them out and lock the door, and just as Jongin's breath hitches, waiting for something to happen, the other two voices pop in, saying how everything's clean.

"Good!" Adam's voice isn't as chuckling as before, and he moves along the room some more, coming to the left side of the closet. 

"If that's all—" One of his men speaks again, but their boss' voice cut through. 

"Have you checked behind those doors?" 

And when the whole room stills, Jongin realizes that they must've been talking about the closet doors. He moves back, holding a hand over his mouth in an attempt to cover his breathing, as the door-handle jiggles. 

"It's locked!" 

More footsteps come closer to the doors, banging and pulling at the handle, trying to get it open. 

Until Kyungsoo speaks again. "The door leads to a wall, or so I was told. There's nothing behind it." His voice is still unwavering, but Jongin hears the dread in it.

"Now, why would you lock it then?" Adam's voice asks, and Jongin closes his eyes, waiting for Kyungsoo's answer.

"I didn't! It was locked when I came." 

The jiggling of the handle stops, and Jongin opens his eyes to peer at it. It's silent, too silent, eerie silent, and he presses his ear to the door again, waiting to hear anything.

When somebody bangs on the other side, palm first and loud, Jongin jumps away, holding both hands over his mouth. It was like a loud slap against his cheek, and he feels like his whole heart is gonna break out in any second.

"Adam!" Kyungsoo's voice peeps again. "Tell Doctor Kim that I'll be back next week!" 

Jongin hears again, breathing through his nose slowly and steadily, waiting for the Adam guy to speak. "If you're hiding anything..."

"I'm not!"

The footsteps move again, seemingly out of the bedroom, and when Jongin listens, he doesn't hear them again. 

He's still locked, but he hears Adam's voice again, sultry and dropping, as Kyungsoo tells him to get out already. 

He waits for anything to happen, and when the front door closes with a loud thud, he moves his lips to the crack, wanting to yell for Kyungsoo to let him out. But he doesn't come even after a couple of moments, and Jongin fears the worst.

Eventually, somebody shuffles back to the bedroom, and Jongin really hopes it's Kyungsoo. However, his voice is stuck somewhere along his throat, and rasps his knuckles softly against the wood.

"Wait!" The voice on the other side whispers slowly, and Jongin stops. 

He stops and waits, like Kyungsoo ordered, and after about two more minutes, the doors are being unlocked. 

Jongin pushes out, but he stops when Kyungsoo jumps in his arms, hiding his face in his neck. ...Wait.. he's crying?

"Soo?" Jongin tries to pries him away, but Kyungsoo only holds tighter, sobbing into his neck. "B-baby? Please, talk to me!"

Jongin brings them to the bed, but only he sits down, as Kyungsoo climbs his lap, nuzzling into his neck once again. He's shivering, terribly so, and Jongin's heart breaks.

This is the second time in almost twenty-four hours for Kyungsoo to cry, and Jongin feels like it's two times too much. 

"Love, please.." He hugs him, but still asks, his eyes fleeting to the door that leads to the hall outside. It's dangerous to even think what would happen if those men came back right now, but Jongin focuses back to the man trembling in his arms, begging for his attention.

"They're gone, love.. They're gone! We're safe!" He chants in Kyungsoo's ear, and tries to rock them front to back. It always worked when he was a child, so he tries to calm down Kyungsoo too.

"I've never been scared like that, Nini," Kyungsoo sobs into his shirt, pulling him close, inexplicably close, just wanting his warmth and security.

And Jongin doesn't let go, making sure that Kyungsoo knows he's here, and he's here to stay. "I'm sorry for not being outside with you! I'm sorry I had to hide." And really, dread's still there, clogging him up. But he rocks them again, whispering sweet things to Kyungsoo's ear, only keeping an eye on him. 

"They said how they're taking usual cautions, and they're on their morning walk," Kyungsoo snickers, wiping at his cheeks with hurried movements, coming back to face him. "It's the new resolution, Jongin.. They're checking homes now.."

And Jongin breathes out, hugging him again, allowing Kyungsoo to huddle against his shirt. They knew it would come to this, but Jongin wished it came later. Because if they checked Kyungsoo's house now, they would be back a week later, or even earlier, and they can't lie about his whereabouts for too long.

So Jongin makes a decision. "What if I escape?"

Kyungsoo stills, leaning back with furrowed eyebrows. "Jongin! No!"

"But, Soo—"

"You have nowhere to run! I can't let you go by yourself! They could track you and catch you easier like that." Kyungsoo moves to stand up, but Jongin cages him in with his arms.

"Think about it! They're doing rounds now, and they will be back, Soo. If they find me here—"

"They won't! I'll make sure of that." Kyungsoo's determined, but his lower lip still trembles from fear and uncertainty. And Jongin melts at the realization.

"Soo..." He starts slowly, taking a hold of his flushes chees. "If they come back and find me here, you'd suffer too. And I can't let that happen!"

"But if they find you, they could.. they could—" By now, Kyungsoo's crying again, hyperventilating for Jongin to hug him close, and never let go.

"I know! I know, Soo! But I can't let them take you away! I need you to be well! I need you to be fine and to live through this—"

"No, Jongin. Please, don't say that, please...!" Kyungsoo sobbing, clutching his shirt, pulling him closer and closer. 

"Shhh! It's gonna be fine, Soo! Please, just promise me!" Jongin pulls his face out, his heart breaking at those bloodshot eyes finding looking pitifully back at him. He mutters a smile, holding back his own tears, as he kisses both flushed cheeks with the softest touch. "Promise me that you'd save yourself when they come for me!"

"Jongin, I-I— No! NO! I won't do that! No!" Kyungsoo yells, hitting his chest weekly with fists, as Jongin swallows down, pulling him back in his chest. 

They're both crying by now, and his heart couldn't swell more for Kyungsoo - for boy who was fragile enough to strengthen on his own, and fight demons by himself. And Jongin wishes to save him, he wishes to take him away, and secure him from everyone.. but he couldn't.

He might dare to dream, to yearn for their happy ending, but it's inevitable how this could end.. 

And he needs Kyungsoo to understand.

"Please, just promise me just that! I need it to hear it from you, Soo. Please!" He begs and begs, but Kyungsoo pushes him off, standing up. He goes to the windows, leaning on the sill, closing his eyes as another sob threatens to fall from his lips.

When he turns around, he comes back to the bed, but doesn't dare to look him in the eyes. "You can't make me promise you that because I'd rather die then let them take you away from me!"

And with that, Kyungsoo walks out of the bedroom, shutting the wooden door with a loud thud that brings Jongin back from his daze.

 

 

***

 

 

They don't talk about it again.

Their days continue with ease. Kyungsoo warming back to him, and even making jokes how their coffee is too bland without sugar and cream. They go back to their normal life. Like visiting parks for walks, and markets for more peanut butter shopping.

And Jongin enjoys it.

He enjoys every moment, every second of each day that he gets to spend with Kyungsoo, because... No, he doesn't want to think about what would it be.

He's done, pass that point, and he just wants to have some more time with Kyungsoo, that's all.

So that's why, Jongin's in the kitchen right now, preparing Kyungsoo's favorite for their lunch, waiting for the elder to come back home from work. 

Today's not his first day back at work, but he's been nervous for the past week, knowing that they couldn't relax, not now. Not yet.

But Kyungsoo would wake up everyday, kiss Jongin goodbye, and promise that he'd come back home, where the younger was waiting for him everyday. And it was enough for Jongin to relax and let him go.

He sets the table, making sure that everything was sparkly clean as their lunch stays in the still warm oven; Jongin making sure that it waits for Kyungsoo still juicy and tasty.

Just as pours some cheap wine from the market in two cups, the front door open and close in a haste. He smiles effortlessly, waiting at the threshold of the living room for the elder to come through, but when he does, Kyungsoo ducks down, hugging him briefly, and walks away.

"Soo?" He asks, confused, following closely behind his boyfriend that goes for the bathroom without any words exchanged. "Soo? Are you okay? What happened?"

Jongin stands in front of the bathroom, waiting for any sign of his boyfriend, but when he gets nothing, he tries the doorknob. And it's locked. 

"Soo? Baby?" There's urgency in his voice, because this was odd even for Kyungsoo. Something must've happened, and he's shying away from Jongin. Again. "Please, let me in!"

"I'm fine, Nini." Comes Kyungsoo's muffled voice from the other side, before there's water hitting the ceramics of the bathtub. Jongin waits, patiently on the other side, having his forehead pressed to the wood, focusing on each sound that comes through.

But when he hears faint sobbing, he rasps his knuckles on the wood, calling for Kyungsoo.

"Just.. I need to shower," His voice is low and weak and Jongin jiggles the knob again. Pushing and pulling, before looking around to see if they have an extra key or something to break in. 

"Soo! Let me in! What happened? Talk to me, please!" Jongin sounds on a verge of crying himself, because he doesn't even have an idea what happened. And Kyungsoo's not helping.

When the door budges a bit, and when he's sure that if he pushes it just a bit longer, it would open up, Kyungsoo unlocks it and steps outside. He's still wearing the same clothes that he had on this morning before stepping outside their flat, and the tub is wet from what Jongin could see.

"Didn't you shower?" He asks dumbly, looking between them two, when he sees something on his face. ".. Soo?"

"Something smells amazing, Jongin." Kyungsoo comments, ducking down as he walks to the kitchen. But before he could open the oven, Jongin pulls him back by his arm, turning him around.

".. Soo..." His heart breaks when Kyungsoo avoids his eyes, trying to tuck his face into his own chest, suddenly embarrassed. 

"Please... It's-it's nothing.. really," He comments, pushing Jongin's hands off, but the younger doesn't budge. He tightens his hold on his arms, pushing one hand to cradle Kyungsoo's swollen cheek in his palm.

His eyes are so comforting and soft, when Kyungsoo's looks up, and the elder feels guilty for worrying him. 

"Who..? Who did this?" Jongin whispers slowly, eyes raking all over his face, and the state his skin is. And his heart breaks.

Kyungsoo's bottom lip is busted on the side, the cheek already swollen and bruised, and there's a cut on his right brow, where the fresh wound still seeps out blood that dries down quickly. His face is matted on the hairline, because Kyungsoo tried to wash away his tears and blood, and Jongin feels like killing someone.

"Kyungsoo!"

"It's nothing.. I'm fine!" Kyungsoo reasons again, pushing Jongin's hands away, and turning to fetch their lunch. 

But when nobody moves, and he leans down hands first on the stove, Jongin huffs out. "Tell me!"

"Promise you wouldn't do something stupid!"

Jongin's jaw clenches, taking a sight of how frightened Kyungsoo looks, before he presses in again. "Tell! Me!"

Kyungsoo hunches over the stove, tucking himself more in, before turning around. "The guys.. um.. they were joking and I—"

"Kyungsoo!" Jongin cuts him off, being tired of hearing lies that Kyungsoo uses to protect them. "Truth! Tell me the truth!"

"That-that's the truth!" He babbles, wiping at his eyes, as his lips busts open again. 

When he hisses, Jongin's hands are on his cheeks again, moving his face to take a better look. "This is not a joke, Soo! This is abuse!"

"It's nothing," Kyungsoo dismisses him again, swallowing down before looking up. He tries to smile, softly and honestly, but Jongin sees unshed tears swallowing his explosive eyes. 

So he softens. "Soo.. Please! Tell me, I won't do anything."

Kyungsoo looks up to him, hoping that Jongin isn't lying. He's ready to talk, but he doesn't want the younger to do anything harsh, because this could be the last for them. He needs to keep it together a bit longer, and then they could find a solution. Yeah, Kyungsoo's sure of it.

Luckily, he doesn't see through Jongin's lie.

"They asked me about you," He starts slowly, hiding his face. Jongin listens carefully, already assuming such thing. "They said that they couldn't find you even after all this time—"

So they were looking for him. 

"—and that my testimony didn't match.."

"What testimony?" Jongin pulls him to sit down when he feels Kyungsoo shaking violently, trying not to cry. 

"When you escaped, I.." He trails off, breathing out. Jongin grabs his hands again, urging him to finish. "I told them that... you died.."

Jongin only widens his eyes, because it was supposed to be an easy way out, he figures. He never asked Kyungsoo about that day, and how come nobody got in trouble for a missing patient. But when Kyungsoo starts explaining, he realizes what Kyungsoo had to go through to make it sure he's hidden and forgotten in the eyes of the law.

"They asked about you, and I said how you died that day.. And when they asked about your body, my story didn't add up.."

"How come?"

"I said that I..." Kyungsoo tries to speak, tries to swallow his tears enough to tell him, but he's too consumed. "I told them that you died and that I was the only one to witness it!" He all but yells, and Jongin furrows his eyebrows, finally realizing why the elder couldn't speak.

"It was late at night, and I explained that I had to... cremate you all by myself," He starts sobbing, uncontrollably so, hiding his face in his hands.

Jongin's quick to pull him to his chest and cradle him close. "Soo.. It's fine, it's fine. You had to say something!"

"But.." He whispers, untucking his face from his neck, pressing his warm palms into Jongin's cheeks. "I told them everything.. About you taking your meds and taking it worse than anyone before. I thought it was a clean shot, since the ashes found in the crematorium—" He huffs out, tears still spilling from his eyes. "But they said it didn't add up! That the nurse testified how you only started taking meds that day, and how you reacted well! And I didn't know what to do!"

Kyungsoo starts weeping again, burying back in Jongin's arms when the younger pulls him closer. This is where he feels the safest, and Kyungsoo doesn't want to lose it... doesn't want to lose him!

"Shh! It's fine! We're fine!" Jongin whispers, trying to calm him down, but Kyungsoo's still shaking. He tries kissing him, but Kyungsoo moves closer, trying to release the pain.

Kyungsoo pulls away, kissing him right on the lip. His touch is feverish, quick and needy. And Jongin knows what he needs.

So he pulls him up and away to the bedroom, but they don't make it, since Kyungsoo pushes him down to the couch, straddling his thighs when Jongin sprawls over the soft cushions.

Their lips are molded together again, Kyungsoo inhaling him, as Jongin moves to cup his ass underneath his pants, pulling his hips to meddle with his own. 

And when Kyungsoo throws his head back, moaning at the attention, Jongin moves to sit upright and gets rid of their shirts. "Soo, I don't want this to—"

"Please! Please, make me forget!" Kyungsoo whispers at his lips, closing his eyes as he tries to breathe. And Jongin nods, tilting up to kiss him again, but before the elder sucks his lip, or curls his tongue just right, Jongin switches their positions, pushing him down.

"Let me.." He breathes out when Kyungsoo looks confused for a second, and Jongin rides them out of the rest of the clothing. When he comes back, stark naked, he sits down on Kyungsoo's half-hard cock, tugging his hips up and down. 

Kyungsoo grabs his hips, steading him on top, before sitting up to snatch his lips in a kiss once again. Along their tongues that scrape and suck, Jongin grinds his hips down on the other's member, eliciting strong breaths and deep groans from him. He's already hard, and the coiling in his stomach only heats up when Kyungsoo loops his hands around, grabbing a handful of his ass.

"Fuck, I need you," He groans, pushing more and more, feeling Kyungsoo's member twitching against his hole. The cock slips in between his cheeks, and Kyungsoo only spreads them apart, loving how Jongin fits just right.

When Kyungsoo rolls his hips upwards, Jongin hiccups from the intensity, throwing his head back on a hard thrust. "Fuck! Now, Soo! Now!"

"Are you sure? We haven't done this..." He trails off, but pushes three fingers at his bottom lip, sucking and licking them dripping. 

"Yes, yes! Fuck!" Jongin moans wantonly, still rolling his hips, totally out of his mind already. But he eyes Kyungsoo's mouth hungrily, not even blinking on the way Kyungsoo's pink tongue sneaks out to lick at his digits.

When he coats them just enough, he pushes his hand back and in between Jongin's ass-chees, spreading the spit along the pursue of muscle. 

Jongin trashes on top, gasping when the tip of the finger enters him, and then splutters when Kyungsoo continues to rub around the puckered rim, teasing him. 

"I'm gonna fuck you, if you don't push— Fuuuuck!" Jongin's head lolls back in a silent scream when Kyungsoo pushes his middle finger in, scrapping his velvety insides with the tip of his dull fingernails. "A little warning.. gosh!"

"You've been running your little potty mouth," Kyungsoo curls his finger just right, watching without breathing. He wishes to see it, but doesn't have a bad view of Jongin, who huffs out, trying to ease out his breathing. 

He pushes another finger in, and then the last one when Jongin urges him, scissoring him open and making him mewl at the thrusts. "Faster, faster.." He chants, eye shut closed and mouth hanging in a silent cry. 

There's perspiration along his brows, and tinted cheeks laying underneath blown-out eyes but Kyungsoo feels like it doesn't get better than this. It can't get better! 

So he pushes deep as far as he could, before thrusting them out and using the remnant to coat his cock nicely. Jongin moves a bit from his lap, trembling from excitement that courses his nerves, making him nervous suddenly. 

But Kyungsoo's warm palm massaging his side temps him back, making him aware that he's about to be with his boyfriend, the man that means so much to him already, and he huffs out, nodding to himself.

"If you don't want to—"

Jongin cuts him off. "I want to! So badly, Soo!"

Kyungsoo mutters a brave smile, not even minding his still throbbing busted lip, and ushers Jongin back into his lap, aligning him with his stiff cock. 

The slide takes some time, though. Jongin's inexplicably tight, mind-boggling so, and Kyungsoo has to stop him from time to time, easing his pain with a flick of his wrist over the shaft of his member.

But then he slides down, swallowing everything that Kyungsoo has to offer, and they wait.

"I love you!" Jongin suddenly whispers, being blinded with tears that blur his vision, and when he intakes a sharp breath, Kyungsoo starts moving.

They start out slowly. Just rolling and shallowly thrusting, Jongin getting used to the girth. His stomach convulses every time when Kyungsoo thrusts into his warmth, making him hiccup and gasp. 

But then Kyungsoo pulls him down for a kiss, licking into his mouth while still rocking them together. Jongin throbs, painfully so, but still meets his hips, catching up with his release.

"Jongin, fuck!" Kyungsoo keens, throwing his head back on a particular suck. "You feel amazing!"

Jongin kisses him again, huffing on his parted lips when he bolds out his strength, pushing more and more. His hips raise just enough for the head to get sucked in, before he slams down, surprising even himself by the gyrating of his hips.

"Fuck! Let me fuck you like you deserve," 

Kyungsoo flips them around, pushing Jongin over the armrest of the couch, as he positions behind him. In the next moment, Jongin feels his hole fluttering against his cockhead, and before he could say for Kyungsoo to push it in, his eyes bulge out of its sockets when Kyungsoo eases in with a hard thrust.

"Fuck! Fuck!" Jongin groans, even his neck strained against the ugly color of the couch, as Kyungsoo drills in and out, in and out. 

They're both close, Kyungsoo feels his cock rock hard, throbbing as Jongin tightens around him, but he doesn't get it off just yet. Instead, he slows down to deep thrusts and hard, slow drags, moving over Jongin's back to push his head to the side.

Jongin waits for him, gasping when Kyungsoo rolls his hips deep, and starts kissing his cheek and jaw. Their lips meet in another suffocating heat, and Jongin keens for Kyungsoo to hurry. 

So the elder pushes his cock out, touching the fluttering rim with his thumb, before moving his hands over his globes, keeping them apart. Without touching his cock, he slips in between the folds, making Jongin gasp at the intrusion. 

They rock together, Jongin moving back on the strong cock that could never measure with anything else, as Kyungsoo drills back in, sweat dripping from his temples. 

But they're so close, Jongin doesn't even think about sneaking a hand in between his body and the cushion to jerk himself off, because Kyungsoo fucks him so deep and hard, he's seeing stars.

When Kyungsoo leans down to kiss his nape, dragging swollen lips over his perspired skin, Jongin feels two hands moving along as well, slipping underneath him to flick his protruded buds, rolling them with two fingers each. 

And Jongin keens, swallowing tickly as he feels pressure from each side, losing himself in the feeling of the perfection. So he cries out in the next second, holding his breath as Kyungsoo drills back in, sending him off the edge.

He comes with a sobbing cry of the elder's name, still straining his neck as he feels Kyungsoo tucking back in, rolling his hips faster and harder. 

When he feels full, something warm filling him from the inside, Kyungsoo gasps loudly at his ear, dropping his head on his shoulder blade. He rolls his hips a couple of more times, riding them out of their orgasms, before pulling out, leaving Jongin to shiver in delight when he goes to fetch something to wipe them clean.

When Kyungsoo makes sure that they're both saturated, he helps Jongin back to lay on the couch, settling on top of his naked body. They're starting to cool down, and the living room isn't the best place to lay around naked, so Kyungsoo pulls a blanket over them, covering them both.

"That was.. amazing!" Jongin finishes it himself this time, moving down to kiss Kyungsoo's cheek. 

The elder chuckles, leaning on his sweaty chest with his chin first. "Was it really? I haven't done that in a very long time.."

"Wait.." Jongin tilts his head, looking down to him. "You've fucked someone before? Who?!" He's offended, really. But he doesn't mind it.. well, not much.

But when Kyungsoo chuckles, and moves to swat at his bicep, Jongin feels confused. "Of course I did it before, Jongin. I'm 27, for god's sake," Jongin pouts unintentionally, because he thought that they were special in everything and in that too. 

Kyungsoo moves to peck his lips, kissing dazed Jongin, before explaining. "But I haven't done it with a man, if that's what you're asking.."

"How.. does that work?" Jongin asks. 

"What exactly?"

"Sex.. with girls, I mean."

His boyfriend feigns a gasp. "Kim Jongin! Are you trying to tell me that you want to be with a girl now? Is that what I get after fucking you this well?!"

Jongin blushes deeply, covering his face with both hands, before Kyungsoo's chuckling comes to his ear, and then his hands push his off. "I was kidding, baby. You know that."

"I was asking about... I-I—" Jongin huffs out, not knowing what to say. So he mentions it again. "I don't want to change you for anyone! Really anyone out there!"

Kyungsoo's smile softens, as he pushes up to catch Jongin in a sweet and long kiss, just nipping and sucking on each other's lips. "I know, Nini.."

Jongin raises his eyebrows. "Just know? What about I feel the same, Nini? You don't have to worry about me leaving you? How about that?"

Kyungsoo can't help but chuckle, intertwining their hands on Jongin's chest, using them as a leverage to pull himself up some more. He leaves a soft kiss on top of his nose, kissing down to his ear, where he presses his lips, muttering something.

"What?" Jongin asks, because it's tickling him and he doesn't even understand. 

But Kyungsoo huffs out briefly, hiding his face in Jongin's neck, before propping up again, coming to his face instead. 

"I love you, Jongin!" He says honestly, looking directly in Jongin's eyes, and if he isn't so stunned, Jongin thinks that he would die right then and there. 

"Really?"

"Why do you always ask that!?" Kyungsoo asks through being kissed, and then nods when Jongin moves his face from his face. "Yes, Jongin. I love you! .. I still don't know just how much, but I know that I don't want anything to happen to this!"

"This?"

"This, Jongin! This! You, me, us! I don't want to ever lose you!" He leans back down, Jongin already waiting for him, as they kiss again, spilling everything that they used to dread saying. 

But they're hidden in their little impromptu blanket-tower, and Jongin knows that he wouldn't need anything else as long as Kyungsoo's in his arms. So he says it again. "I love you, Soo!"

"And I love you, Jongin!"

"But I love you more!"

"I'm going to shower!" Kyungsoo grumbles under his breath, moving off when Jongin starts getting cheesy, but Jongin pulls him back in his chest, circling his arms tightly around his middle.

"You're not allowed to leave me ever again!"

"Really?"

"Really!" Jongin kisses his crown with a little 'hmpf', confirming the previous statement. 

"Not even when I need to pie?"

Jongin juts his lower lip out, thinking. "No!" He concludes again, and Kyungsoo has to burst out in a loud laughter, glazing even Jongin's sides with love their share. 

 

 

***

 

 

Jongin doesn't hear from Kyungsoo this morning before the elder went for work. But he doesn't dwell on it too much, because he knows where Kyungsoo is, and that he doesn't have to worry too much. 

He tries not to think about what happened the last week when Kyungsoo came back home with a bruised cheek and a busted lip, because Kyungsoo assures him that it was only a one-time thing and that they needed to punish him somehow.

For what, Jongin still doesn't understand. He knows that it's against clinic's policy to get rid of the body before the coroner examines it and confirms its death, but there wasn't a body in the first place—because Jongin didn't die, he escaped—and therefore Kyungsoo had to say something to reason his missing. 

Maybe he was punished because of that. Because they had another death on their hands, and no body to prove—or cover up—their ways of treating patients. If they could ship Jongin's body back to his family, saying how he overdosed without listening, or he got sick and there was nothing they could do for him, then they could save their asses a bit longer, clearing out that it wasn't their fault for his sudden death.

But without a body, they couldn't prove their innocence, and Kyungsoo must've suffered because of that. He basically ruined their policy, because this time, Jongin's family could come back and sue them for manhandling his health and state. 

.. But Jongin doesn't have a family anymore, so he assures himself that the clinic would drop their act, since there's nobody who could possible come back to ask for his whereabouts. Well, other than Kyungsoo and Baekhyun, but they don't know that them two exists in Jongin's life like that. Especially Kyungsoo.

So Jongin goes back to his everyday life, thinking how to stop this anger towards everyone from bubbling out, because he can't forgive for ever allowing anybody to lay their hands on Kyungsoo's face. On his body, or at all, and Jongin's pissed again.

If only he could get out right now, and kill those motherfuckers, his life would be so much easier. But he's practically house-bond by now, only leaving their flat when Kyungsoo needs help with the groceries, or when he feels like maddening for staying in between same walls for so long. 

That's when they walk around, never touching hands but occasionally bumping their shoulders. And Jongin wishes. He yearns to hold Kyungsoo's hand in his own, to kiss him on the street, under the heavy rain pour, and to tell him out loud how much he loves him. 

But it's not gonna happen. 

With that thought, Jongin comes back to the living room and watches outside the windows as the life continues on without him. There are people walking up and down the street, making him feel jealous for not being able to be like them.

He wishes so many things, but he wants to stop being a burden to Kyungsoo and live as a free man. Maybe it's not much to ask, but it's literally everything he hopes for. 

Maybe he's ahead of himself, because he's considered a dangerous man in their country—not only gay, but a hiding gay man that hasn't been treated for his 'disease'—and he strays away from ever being out in the open, living and breathing while feeling safe for being himself.

It's a concept; a concept for his life and what he wants with his 23 years, but it's something so foreign, that Jongin doesn't even want to hope anymore. 

It hurts to think about what if's, and then to go back to the same walls that are suffocating him, making him suffer even more. Besides, Kyungsoo doesn't deserve to be held with him, in these same cages, and in the same situation as he is.

Kyungsoo still has a life ahead of him, and Jongin doesn't want to intrude with it some more.

... But! He loves him! He loves him so much, and he can't even think about living without Kyungsoo ever again. The man crawled under his skin even back then, almost eight months before, when he was admitted to the clinic, and Jongin doesn't want to imagine his life without the elder.

Because he knows it would pain both of them, even if he was only thinking about it, so he pushes those thoughts aside, wiping at the unshed tears that collect at the bottom lid of his eyes.

He bends down to fetch his watch, seeing the time, and gasping when he realizes that Kyungsoo's ought to be home already. He's late, and he's never late.

Jongin moves back to the bedroom, because he doesn't know what to do, and who to call. So he tries Baekhyun first. 

"Baek?"

"Jongin?" 

Jongin huffs out when his friend picks up the phone, not knowing where to start. "Baek, I-I need to talk to you!"

"Yeah, sure. Wait a sec," He hears some shuffling on the other side, before Baekhyun asks what's the matter?

"Baek, I don't know where Soo is, and it's already late.. He doesn't have a cell, and I don't know, Baek.. I don't know!" He wails in the phone, feeling his chest constricted as the panic indulges. 

"Calm down, Jongin. Tell me, where did he go?"

"He went to work, but it ended about two hours ago.." Jongin trails off, walking back to the front door to check if there's some kind of movement outside, before running back to the windows in the living room, watching down over the edge. "He's not back yet, Baek.."

"Relax! I'm sure he's fine, and that he's just—"

"You don't understand, Baek! Something's happening at the clinic and I don't know.. I don't know where to—" Jongin's hyperventilating almost, looking between the windows and the front door, praying for Kyungsoo to just pop in.

When Baekhyun starts speaking again, Jongin cuts him off when he hears some shuffling outside the flat, before two knocks came through. "Baek, somebody's knocking!"

He doesn't hear his friend telling him to stop and don't open the door, because the phone falls from his hand when he runs back to the front door, opening it without even checking through the peephole.

When he opens up to see three tall figures standing in the hall in front of their flat, Jongin remembers that Kyungsoo doesn't knock.

 

 

***

 

 

The air suffocate him, making him splutter and cough out on the dust that settles in his lungs, and he's laying on something hard and cold. It's dark when he tries to open his eyes, and Jongin panics in the next second when he tugs at something cold against his wrist, not moving his hands from where they lay against the floor.

He looks around, calming his breathing, before touching around, trying to get used his eyes to the pitch darkness. He doesn't dare to yell for anybody, because he doesn't know where he is at the moment.

What he remembers last is talking to Baekhyun, and then the knocking.. Three men in black sneering down upon him, and then... darkness.

Jongin palms his head, trying to think, trying to remember but his temples throb painfully. He must've fainted or got knocked out blank, and that's the reason why he's here...

And then he remembers Kyungsoo, and a faint whisper of his name falls from his lips. 

There's some muffled voices coming from the side, and Jongin snaps his head listening to movements. Suddenly, something heavily scrape along the concrete beneath his bare feet, and flash of harsh light come through. 

He blinks, trying to see through it all, but the same tall figures come closer to him, tugging him from the ground. He splutters, moving and trashing around, but a swish slap across his jawline sends him toppling over, hushing him in a moment. 

He hears voices talking about something, before the thumping of heavy boots stop and everybody turns to see the last man walking through the metallic door. Jongin focuses his eyes on the figure, not even feeling dread upon realizing that this was it. He's gonna die right there and then, and he doesn't regret anything in his life.

But anxiety fills him up, as he widens his eyes when another male pulls something behind the tall figure that walks in with pride, not watching any of the others. 

"Kyungsoo.." he tries to call his name, but the owner of the name is being pulled along like an animal on a chain, and he seems delirious and gone. His eyes are closed, lips puckered in a intentional pout, and Jongin's heart breaks when he sees his state.

"Kyung—" He yells, but the same hand slaps him over his cheek, sending his head back. He bites on his tongue, before turning back and yelling his boyfriend's name again.

He gets slapped again and again, before the figure that everybody stopped to watch, strolls to where he's being held, and plucks his chin from his neck. "So this is the boyfriend, huh?" The man sneers, all white teeth and smoothed wrinkles, and Jongin sneers. "Pretty one, don't you think?" He pushes Jongin's chin to the side, talking to one of his men, before turning back to where Kyungsoo lays unmoving.

"Too bad you weren't so good in hiding." He chucks his booted leg in Kyungsoo's side, sending him to splutter painfully through his teeth.

Jongin pulls at his cuffs, wanting to go to him and move him out of here, take him away, but the two men stop him just in time, throwing him back to the ground. 

"Soo..." He whispers brokenly, swallowing tears that threaten to fall when Kyungsoo doesn't even open his eyes anymore. 

He's badly beaten, worse—much worse—than the last time, and Jongin thinks the worst. He can't see everything from here, but he sees Kyungsoo's shallow breathing as he coughs out some blood that smears his lips and chin. 

"Kim Jongin!" The man catches his attention, but Jongin doesn't move from the ground. He waits for Kyungsoo to move, to call his name, or even to open his eyes, but he's being pulled from the floor once again. 

The man strolls back to him, holding his hands crossed across his chest, smirking. "Are you Kim Jongin?"

Jongin keeps mum. He mutters enough hate in his eyes to hold the man's attention for a bit long, before he gets slapped again, but this time with some kicking to the sides as well. 

"Rude," 

The man tsks, before turning around to walk back to Kyungsoo. "I had fun with this little one—" Jongin moves to jump on him, but is being pushed to the ground again. "—he has such sinful lips, don't you think?"

The man sneers back at him, crouching down to tuck Kyungsoo's matted hair off his forehead, before brushing his cheek softly. Kyungsoo still doesn't move.

"When he lied about you, I knew something was off,"

"Let him go!" Jongin spits back. "You have me, let him go!"

But the man shakes his head, breathing out like deep in thought. "Ah, young love.." He comments the same words as that previous time months ago, but the words don't feel the same as when Kyungsoo said it. He's mocking him, and Jongin sees red in front of his eyes. 

He pulls at the links again, feeling his skin prickling under the metal, but he pulls again, wanting to break free. The two men pushes him down, making him eat dust underneath, almost breaking his nose from the impact. 

"Boys, boys.." The man walks back to them, crouching down to see him better. "That's not why we're here.."

"Let me tell you a story, Jongin!"

But he huffs out, fighting to push those guys off. 

The man doesn't hear him spitting curses, and continues like having all the time in the world. "When I met little Kyungsoo here, he was only twelve years old."

On that, Jongin stops, widening his eyes. "No.. No!"

"And he was so cute, you can eat him up."

"No! STOP!"

"But of course, his father didn't like the idea of selling Kyungsoo for anything, even though I tried."

"NO!" Jongin yells, pushing those guys off, feeling his tears wielding up. "Kyungsoo! Wake up, love! Wake up, please!" He begs and begs, but Kyungsoo stays unmoving. 

"And when I came back after a year— Do you believe that I actually waited a year to see him again?" The man chuckles again, looking down fondly at Kyungsoo. "He didn't recognize me.. He said how he wants to become a doctor one day, and he wants to save people."

Jongin sobs out, not wanting to hear anything else. He wants to see Kyungsoo's smile again, wants to feel his touch, his arms, his lips... 

"And his father was still unforgiving.. I mean, I just wanted to touch his soft skin, and play with his hair, you know."

Jongin sneers, screaming at the two men to let him go, trashing in their hold. But the man continues speaking, like not seeing that his men push Jongin down, kicking him with his boots to stay quiet. 

"And those sinful lips..." He tsks, crouching down to move his thumb over the busted plump lip, moving it to the side a bit. "I never tasted them, you know.." 

Jongin yells at him next, ignoring pain that shifts his body, and focuses only on Kyungsoo, only on him. 

"He never allowed me.."

"Doctor Kim!" One of his men yell, and when he turns around, Kyungsoo groans, turning on his back. He doesn't open his eyes just yet. 

"Oh, he's up! Good." The man—Doctor Kim moves back to Jongin, before saying them to pull him up. He groans as they hold him up, telling him to shut up. 

"Kyungsoo?" Doctor Kim calls softly for him, acting like a father cradling his baby, before Jongin sees Kyungsoo's looking one eye just a bit, hissing when he close it again. "Good boy, my Kyungsoo. You're my pretty little boy."

Jongin breaks down in crying once again when they move to push Kyungsoo to stand, not bearing to him barely conscious. "Soo..." He whispers brokenly, but gets heard from anybody.

"Kyungsoo, Jongin here has to tell you something." Doctor Kim cradles Kyungsoo's cheeks, wiping them clean from blood, before pushing his face to face him. But Kyungsoo opens one eye blearily, looking unfocused and unaware of anything. 

"Oh, baby boy.. You don't want to ignore me, right?" Kyungsoo's head snaps to the side when the man sends one slap with the back of his hand over his lips, making him spit out blood, before his head lolls back. 

"Soo..." Jongin calls out again, but he doesn't hear him, he's not there anymore. Jongin feels like dying, right here and there, and he tries to break free again and again, pushing them off. 

But they're too damn strong, and he wants to curl inside, and hide. 

But then Kyungsoo mumbles something under his breath and everybody focuses back on him. "Leave.. leave.."

"What are you saying, Kyungsoo?" Doctor Kim moves his face closer to his lips, waiting for Kyungsoo to speak up.

"Leave.. him.. alone," He gasps, coughing more blood, as he finally says it for all to hear.    

Jongin pushes them off, finally letting him go as he crawls back to where Kyungsoo's dropped in the next moment. "Soo? Kyungsoo, please wake up! Love, please.. please!" He begs and begs, crying out loud when Kyungsoo falls in a heap of limbs and unconscious breaths, before he's being pulled up again.

"No! No! Let him go!" Jongin cries out, trashing against their hands, as two of them hold him back. The rest move to where Kyungsoo's laying, making a circle around him. His eyes snap open. "NO! What are you doing! Let him go! Motherfucker! Come to me! Punish me!" He yells at them, turning to look where Doctor Kim moves to the side, tucking his interlocked hands under his belly. 

"Relax, Mr. Kim. They're only there to play a bit," The doctor says with a sneer, nodding to his men to start. 

Jongin, in all of the haze, realizes that he was right. 

Those men hate being different, those men on the top of the country, of the food chain, and they're punishing everybody else for being the same. Doctor Kim is the same. 

But when Jongin cries out, trashing to be set free, they all start hitting and kicking wherever their boots clank. Kyungsoo's being pushed like a ragdoll to the sides, his lifeless body rocking front and back, as the men kick and kick, hurting his frame inexplicably.

"KILL ME instead! HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" Jongin screams at the top of his lungs, pushing and pulling for them to let him go, but they only pull back harder, twisting his arms behind his back. "NO! Soo! Soo! Please!"

He turns to the doctor. "Please! Let him go!" He's begging by now, but the doctor has his eyes on the scene in front, swaying on his feet a bit. "Please..." Jongin trails off, when his legs let him go, as he slides down on the dirty concrete. "Please.." He sobs again, whispering for them to let him go, but watches as Kyungsoo's body gets kicked around. 

Jongin's sure that this is it. He's sure that they are killing him right in front of him, and that he can't do anything. He can't believe that he's helpless as the love of his life gets killed right there, and Jongin sobs louder, screaming to let him go.

Eventually, they let him fall down to the ground, watching him crawl to where Kyungsoo lays, until they stop kicking, heaving breaths from exhaustion. 

Jongin crawls to his lifeless body slowly, hiccupping from crying as he moves between their legs, finally getting to him. He takes both of Kyungsoo's cheeks in his hands, cradling the course skin between warm palms, gasping for air. "Soo... My beautiful Soo!" He cries out, tucking his face in Kyungsoo's neck, sobbing silently. 

The room is quiet, watching the scene with unblinking eyes, before Doctor Kim tells them to leave the room. They go through the blinding light one by one, leaving them three alone. 

Jongin doesn't hear anything else, only tucking Kyungsoo to his chest, rocking them softly. "Soo.. Soo.. My beautiful Soo.." He chants, lost and heartbroken, not finding anything else to live for. 

He wishes he was the one laying unmoving now, that his lungs don't breathe for air, and that his body is scarred and ruined like Kyungsoo's. He kisses his cheeks softly, moving to kiss his eyes, feeling them still underneath his lips.

"Soo.. Please.. Don't leave me alone.. Soo!"

Doctor Kim clears his throat, but Jongin ignores him. He's not leaving Kyungsoo here, and he's not getting out of here without him. So he turns to the doctor, asking in a tiny voice. "Can you please let him go? I'll stay! I'll stay for whatever you want to do with me, but please! Please, let him go! I'm begging you!"

Doctor looks between them, before shaking his head as a final. 

"Fuck you! You son of a bitch!" Jongin screams and screams, cursing him with everything he's got, but not letting Kyungsoo go. Never again!

"You know, I've tried my very best to get to him. Tried to keep him in my life as much as I could. Even got him through school for his dream, when his parents abandoned him. But I was never enough." The doctor leans on the side, trying to see Kyungsoo's busted face.

"I knew he was gay. I had my doubts. But even with countless threats of exposing him, he still didn't budge. He was still stubborn, doing his work and ignoring each time when I tried to have him for myself."

Jongin stills, breath heaving.

"I don't know how did he survive until now. I guess he used my weakness against me, after all."

The doctor eventually moves to the door, but before he leaves, he turns to whisper. "If he survives, tell him I loved him!"

Jongin looks stunned for a moment, before the man walks out of the room, leaving the door opened just a sliver. He doesn't waste his time, standing up and taking Kyungsoo off the floor, holding him bridal style. He tucks his face close to his chest, crying out at his ear to hold on, as he walks slowly to the door, carefully not to drop him. 

They walk outside in the hall, blinding light making Jongin dizzy, before he realizes that they're in the basement of the clinic. He knows his way out, he's sure of it, and he just has to be careful with his steps.

Kyungsoo looks even worse in the light, and Jongin swallows tears as they come, carrying them out to the second floor. This is the only way to leave quickly, and he doesn't dare to go through the front door. 

Luckily, nobody's in the hall when he steps on the ground floor, and when he walks next to the reception, he snarls at the girl not to say a fucking word. He's quick to climb the second floor, and when he spots the door on the left, he runs to it, finding it unlocked.

When he enters, he makes sure to place Kyungsoo down on one of the tables, lowering his ear to hear whether he's still breathing. When he feels nothing, he bawls again, cupping his mouth to stop his sobs from being heard. 

But he has to do this, and he has to get him out of here. 

He turns to the windows, peering over the edge to see the backyard vacant from anybody. He sees the wired fence on the other end, and Jongin's quick to go back to Kyungsoo, taking him in his arms again. "Love, I'll get you out! Trust me!" Jongin kisses his forehead, closing his eyes on how cold Kyungsoo is, and before he knows it, he's stepping on the window sill.

He jumps over, turning just in time to fall down on his back instead, making sure not to drop Kyungsoo from his embrace. His hisses while standing up, his back getting it lot worse since there was extra weight on top, but doesn't mind that now, as he runs back to the fence.

He's so close, he's feeling it, and the adrenaline pumps his veins again. Kyungsoo trashes in his hold as he runs, and Jongin whispers for him to hold on, for him to believe him, and just how much he loves him. 

When they reach the exit, Jongin cries out when he realizes that their luck might be on their side after all. The fence is unlocked and he's quick to go through, gushing happy laugh down on Kyungsoo's calm face. 

"We're there, love! We're almost there! Just a bit longer, Soo.."

 

 

***

 

 

"Here," Baekhyun offers him a cup of coffee, sitting down next to him when Jongin looks up to take it.

He nods, briefly so, before looking back to the lump that barely moves on top of Baekhyun's bed.

"How's he?" His friend asks, bringing another cup to his lips for a taste. 

Jongin huffs out, shaking his head. "He's not been moving for at least four hours, Baek.."

"He's gonna be fine, Jong. Trust me!"

"How?! How, Baekhyun!? He's been like this for the past week, I—" And before he knows it, Baekhyun is hugging him close, whispering for him to calm down and have a little faith. 

Jongin wipes his eyes, heart breaking as he looks at Kyungsoo's peaceful face, not knowing what do anymore. 

When they escaped the clinic over a week ago, Jongin knew that they couldn't go back to their old flat. It was too dangerous, and Jongin didn't want to put Kyungsoo through it all again. 

So he called up Baekhyun, showing at his doorstep even before asking his permission, and his friend let them stay for as long as possible. They couldn't go to the hospital, knowing that a violence like this needed to be reported, and that Jongin was the first on the list to be accused of trying to kill him. 

Or worse, having to explain how and why did this all happen.

So they tried with what they had. Baekhyun patched him up, hooking him up on some home IV system that he had from his last severe cold, and Jongin went out to buy drugs and meds, anything to make sure Kyungsoo was fine. 

But the elder hasn't woken up ever since that night, and Jongin—no matter how much he's sure that Kyungsoo will be fine—still knows that the danger hasn't passed.

Kyungsoo's wounds healed up as much as they could in a week, but he's gashes are still seeping blood every once and awhile, and no matter how many creams and ointments they used, he was still in a bad shape.

"He will survive, Jongin. He will!"

 

 

***

 

 

Jongin woke up next morning with a piercing headache. He was dreaming about some dark creatures and his escape, and when he finally peeled off his eyes, he was left with a boisterous heartbeat, treating to fall out of his chest.

But he moved to the side in the next moment, making sure that Kyungsoo was still laying next to him.

Jongin huffs out when he cradles Kyungsoo's cheeks in his palms, watching him with pressed lips. It's been almost two weeks. Two weeks! And he's still sleeping.

Jongin likes to think it's sleeping, because he doesn't want to think about anything worse than that.

Like now, as he smiles effortlessly, swallowing his tears back, as Kyungsoo breathes out slowly, his chest barely moving. So he leans down to his cheek, closing his eyes when he nuzzles in the soft skin.

"Soo.. I miss you!" He whispers only for him to hear, moving to kiss the side of his jaw, lingering lips a bit longer. "I really need you back!" 

Somebody suddenly knocks on the door, and Jongin sits upright, telling Baekhyun to come in. "How's he?" The first thing that his friend asks, and Jongin can't help but breathe out a whispery 'same'.

"Hi, Kyungsoo. It's Baek!" He walks further into the room, stopping at the bed, but not moving to do anything else. His eyes slip up to graze at Jongin who looks down to Kyungsoo's face like he's everything good in this world—like he probably is in Jongin's eyes—smiling softly when he looks back at Kyungsoo.

"Young man, you need to wake up fast!" Baekhyun playfully bites out, snickering behind his palm when Jongin widens his eyes.

"Baek—"

"Because Jongin here, misses you more than anything.." Jongin swallows thickly when he looks back to the unmoving figure, Kyungsoo fast asleep. 

"And he loves you, so much Soo.." Jongin finishes for him, closing his eyes when he feels that sting behind his nose. 

"Jongin.." He looks up to the sound of Baekhyun's voice, and when he does, his friend is holding two tickets to.. somewhere.

"Baek?"

"Listen, I know this is hurried, and we haven't really talked about this, but..." He trails off, waiting for Jongin to stand up from the bed and cross the room to get to him. "I planned this vacation in USA for me and Taeyeon, but I don't think she'll miss it that much.." 

Baekhyun smiles widely and proudly, giving Jongin the tickets, as the younger flips them in his hands, seeing the date and destination printed on the back. "Baek, I—"

"Go! You both need this, and we both know that the situation wouldn't change in a bit longer.." Baekhyun thumbs his cheeks when Jongin sobs out, opening his mouth to say something. Anything. But he's at lost of words. 

"Baek.. I don't know what to say..."

"Just promise me that you'll leave and that you'll try to make it there! It's not much—"

"Not much!? Baek, you're giving us a new life!" Jongin cries out, jumping on Baekhyun to hug him close. 

"But!" Baekhyun chuckles again, pulling Jongin to look him in the eyes. "Promise me that you'll never come back here, no matter how much I beg of you, and that you two will be happy there!" 

Jongin cries, nodding to everything, before hugging him again. "Thank you, Baek! You have no idea.."

"Shh, you big baby!" His friend wipes at the unshed tears in his own eyes, before looking back where Kyungsoo's still sleeps. "And you! I want you to take care of this baby here, and to love him with everything you have!" 

Jongin laughs through his tears on the empty threat, turning back to Kyungsoo's side, dropping down on his knees. "Love! We get to escape! Baby, we get to live a new life.." He takes both Kyungsoo's cheeks back into his hands, thumbing the skin with adoration.

"Soo... We got another chance!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jongin huffs out as he pulls the luggage with him on the cart, wiping his brow as he looks up to see the number of his plane and where to go next. He's been here for about half an hour, so he turns around, trying to spot the terminal where he needs to check his bags.

When he looks back to the ticket, he finds the number printed neatly, and looks up to find it. There's someone waving at him to move and come closer, and Jongin smiles, honestly, effortlessly.

"Where were you? I've been waiting for you!" 

Jongin laughs in the distress in his voice, before checking their bags, and turning when he drops the last one. "I missed you, baby."

"Pabo!" Kyungsoo swats at him painfully, but hugs him close anyways. "We've been on the same plane for the last 17 hours. How can you miss me?"

Jongin leans down to kiss his cheek, nuzzling in the skin softly, before looking him in the eyes. "What about those ten minutes in the bathroom, huh? I missed you then!"

Kyungsoo smiles widely, matching his grin, before standing on his tip-toes to plant a big kiss on his nose. "Idiot,"

"But I'm your idiot, right?" 

Jongin coos when Kyungsoo blushes, but continues to cradle his cheek in one hand, while the other slips behind him, placing it flat on the small where his adorable dimples lays. "Aren't you excited?"

Kyungsoo hums. "Of course! Now I get to do this," He leans in, hiding his face in Jongin's shirt, making his chest rumble happily. "And this," The elder sneaks his hands around his neck, pressing their noses side to side. "And this!" 

And Kyungsoo pushes in, kissing him right on the lips. 

They don't mind that everybody at the airport gets to see them kissing and hugging right in the middle of it, because they just don't give a fuck anymore.

They're in a new country, on a new continent, and if they want to kiss and hug and spill their undying love to each other, they can. 

So Jongin dips Kyungsoo over, smiling when the elder giggles into his mouth, and moves to nibble his bottom lip again. "I love you, Soo!"

"And I love you, Jongin!"

They part to grab their stuff, moving to the exit where Kyungsoo confirms that he knows enough of English to fetch them a taxy. 

"You're so bad at this, Soo.." Jongin chuckles when people step in front, snatching their cabs right in front of their noses.

"Shut up!" Kyungsoo huffs out his bangs out of his face, raising his hand up again. When he tries to hail another one, and the car speeds up to the next customer, Kyungsoo turns around to walk back to Jongin, begrudgingly so. 

"I give up!" He plants his face in the middle of Jongin's chest, swatting at him when Jongin coos and pulls him closer. 

"Relax, Soo!"

"But they keep ignoring me! And I though that people in New York would be better, you know.." He sneaks his arms around Jongin's middle, really imitating a sulking child as he hides.

Jongin spots another cab pulling up close, so he brings both middle finger and his thumb to his lips, making a horizontal circle, before he whistles. The cab driver stops the car immediately, exiting to come and fetch their stuff. "See?" Jongin's smug when he asks and then laughs out loud when Kyungsoo reasons that he called them first, and therefore warmed them up to his call.

But they pack everything in the car, both walking to the different sides to climb in after the driver shuts the trunk, entering the front seat. "Where to?" He asks in English and both Jongin and Kyungsoo look at each other.

"Jongin!" Kyungsoo whines. "We have nowhere to go!" 

Jongin laughs out loud at his tone and pout afterwards, before leaning down to kiss his lips, whispering softly. 

 

 

"We have our whole life to figure everything out, love!"


End file.
